Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Relationship Obits

I just bought this awesome book.. Aksara lagi clearance sale book, langsung meluncur kesana dan dapet buku keren ini.

Buku ini menceritakan bagaimana kontributor melewati break upnya dengan cara menuliskan obits. Penulis, Kathleen Horan, menyatakan bahwa proses break-up mirip dengan 5 stages of griev-nya Kubler-Ross (yg terkenal itu lohh, yang dipelajarin di psikologi itu lohhh, yang jadi landasan teorinya rebeka pinaima itu lohhh.. -enuf,Val)

Gw kutip satu cerita yg JLEB banget ya.

Cause of Death: Cowardice

Brett and Camille
Born: March 6, 2007
Death : July 31, 2008

Camille (african-american girl) pacaran sama Brett. Bokapnya Brett gak setuju pacaran interracial dan akhirnya mereka pacaran backstreet gitu.

"Brett talked on the phone with his parents on one of their dates. Brett's father asked him what he was doing that evening, and he replied "nothing". The word pierced through Camille's heart and formed a tiny hole. For the first time in her life, she FELT nothing, like something that shouldn't be seen or heard or acknowledged."

Camille mencoba untuk mengerti keadaan Brett dan bokapnya yg narrow-minded tapi akhirnya dia berhasil keluar dari relasi itu. LIKE A BOSS.

Hmm, got me thinking. Should I make one too? Dengan menuliskan obit ini, mgkin gw bisa menjadi pribadi yang lebih sehat dan basically, pengen venting aja sih #meh

Cause of Death :
Cowardice, Denial and Mutual Exhaustion

Val and Koala

Birth : March 13, 2007
Death: September 30, 2011

Awal perkenalan kami amat sangat random. I knew her from a friend of my girlfriend at that moment. It was awkward, I was a newbie in this lesbo kingdom and so was she. I got to know her, broke up with my girlfriend to be with her, asked her to be my gf 4 times before she said yes, a month later we broke up because of God. Oh yeah, did I mention about her Catholic guilt? She is and she felt wrong about our relationship until I broke up with her for the last time (when relationship is already dead)

She said she's not a lesbian, I respect that. I didnt force her to become one (why would I do that?) Oh maybe so she can accepted me as a lesbian. Me, her girlfriend (?) The IRONY. Anw, it was an on and off relationship. Broke up because of God and her guilt was a regular excuse. Oh iya, gw blom mention Cicinya ya? She read our journal.. Isinya ya cuma emotional stuff like our feelings tapi dari situ gw udah mencium homophobia yg kuat. #merinding

Seringkali gw berasa kayak pacaran sama Cicinya karena gw musti ngikutin jadwal Cicinya. Gw sadar bahwa menjalin relasi dengan pacar berarti juga berelasi dengan keluarganya. Im okay with her mom but not with her sister. Gw pun udah usaha untuk ngedeketin tp ketakutan Koala membuat gw jaga jarak sama si Cici. I did love Koala so Im voluntarily okay not being acknowledged. Tapi keinginan gw untuk bisa mengekspresikan rasa sayang gw terlalu besar sehingga kami mulai ribut karena hal-hal sepele yang sebenernya cuma perkara prinsip (anjrit, itu gede yeh). She couldnt accept me being a lesbian (?) sama aja gak sih kayak diskriminasi berdasarkan ras? Dan itu dari orang yang pacaran sama perempuan. Aneh tapi nyata. She couldnt stand up for herself in front of her sister and she didnt defend me. She said she was selfish, but i was blinded. I loved her too much, I was okay being treated like second option. She didnt know what to do with our future. Her fave words is "jalanin aja".

But i stood up for myself and my dignity. I broke up with her that night during meeting via BBM and met her a few days after that to end this so-called-relationship. It was nice and fun until I lost the real me. I ignored my needs, my potential and my conscience. I am happier now.

There are no survivors. Her sister can have her now.

-------

Hmm.. it wasnt that hard.. Probably I vented too much on this blog.

I moved on, so did she. Its a process and I'm glad we moved on, knowing that this relationship wouldnt work.. It takes two to tango, dear.

Saat ini, walaupun pacar gw juga blm come out ke ortunya. Minimal gw udah sering kesana dan dia slalu bilang kalau dia jalan ma gw. Gw udah kenal sama adiknya yang namanya OKE benggedddd dan hobby ngedownload film (more modern family, mbulee?) He is cool about her sister and me. Amat sangat menyenangkan deh berada di tengah-tengah keluarganya. Gw nyaman dan merasa tidak perlu meragukan eksistensi gw lg. #Smiling

Happiness is your own business. I was stupid thinking that if she was happy, I would be happy too. It doesnt work that way, sister..

#NowPlaying Brand New Chick-Anjulie

S.Psi

Yaaaa...

akhirnya gw LULUS juga..

setelah menanti 4 jam di kampus, tanpa laptop, serta rangkuman Kepribadian apa adanya.. gw disidang sama Bu Lidia dan Bu Nani ditemani Mas Danny. OMGGGGG, gw udah mau mati tuh pas presentasi (gak lebayyyy, asli gw takut banget, inget gak gw lbh milih jatoh dari motor daripada musti sidang?)

tapi akhirnya semua itu terbayarkan ketika Bu Nani ngomong ala2 ANTM:
"Tetapi kerja kerasmu membuatmu dapat dinyatakan lulus"

gw langsung nangis.. keluarin sapu tangan Powerpuff Girls dari pacar dan apus air mata. Bu Lidia cuma komen "lah? gak lulus nangis, lulus nangis. Gimana toh?" gw cuma bisa nangis terharu dan berasa kayak abis Indonesian Youth Conference gitu. I NAILED IT!

Semua begadang2 gw, tangisan di depan laptop, usaha cari partisipan, ngedit, menghemat kata dan segala ngangengong yang berkaitan dengan skripsi TERBAYAR SUDAH. fufufu, mungkin gw akan nangis lagi ketika wisuda (woy make up lunturrr) gak peduli, yang penting keluar dari liang atma jaya... (nah skrg PR kan gw mst ganti bio blog gw) wkwkwk..

Koordinator Research and Development KOMPSI bbm gw:
Possunt quia posse videntur!
Those who beliebe they can do it, they can!

Jangan menyerah yaaa yg belum dapet gelar..

#StillFeelingLikeARockstar

Valentine Merrita Sari, S.Psi

Monday, January 23, 2012

this is it

bukannn, bukan farah quinn..

hari ini gw sidang..

at this point, setelah gw galau smlman, ga bisa tidur, lalu berhasil tidur n mimpiin random stuff, i just wanna say..

screw it.. i'm gonna do my best, break some legs.

u know, its better to fall from motorbike than go thru this emotional roller-coaster of anxiety and fear..

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Wake up and smell the obvious

I don't feel so good. I took med just to get some sleep. Kemarin gw batuk2 udah kayak pak tani gitu. Meh.. And it was soooo hard to get up. Akhirnya gw memaksa bangun dari tempat tidur dengan lagu posesif nya Naif. Bangke, mistis banget sih tuh lagu.. hiyhhh, klo gw depresi, mgkin gw akan langsung sayat2.. Adele level Indonesian gitu.

But i did feel better after listening to You Make Me Feel and Brand New Chick. Anw, out of nowhere gitu, semalem gw mimpi ke gereja di tempat yang rada berbahaya. Itu greja slash Q!FF apa gmn ya, secara banyak anak Q! dan gw inget gw voluntary said I wanted to be an Sunday School teacher. YEAKELI.. Makanya gw merasa mimpi ini agak absurd sih. Mana ada adegan cewe loncat ke lift gitu. Gw kira dya kayak mau suicide gitu, taunya liftnya lg naik, jadinya dya ga metong deh. Malah gelayutan di tali liftnya plus berhasil slamat. FIXED ABSURD banget mimpi gw.

Probably krn gw smlman nangis.. biasa, emotionally unstable. Lebih tepatnya "you don't give me enough as I expected" gitu emotionally. Di satu sisi gw tau gw emang bisa nagging needy bitch (kayak jiwa gw yg ini dibangunin lg setelah mati suri 4,5 tahun) tp disisi lain gw tau pacar gw pun bingung menghadapi gw klo gw lg needy gitu dan kmrn dya udah cape bener. Makanya gw bawa tidur aja, taunya paginya masih kebawa2. BANGKEEEEEE... ini masalah dari gw-nya sih.. Kesel aja krn gw misbehave. Meh..

intinya hr ini gw galau dari jem 12 malem dan INSYAALLAH setelah curhat ala2 di sini, i will feel better..

Btw gw kepikiran, untungnya gw menerapkan sistem 6 bulan itu, klo ngga, kemungkinan untuk break up pitfalls bisa lebih gede >.<


Fakkkk 4 hari lagi.. 4 hari lagi...

Monday, January 2, 2012

Resolusi 2012


"We usually make plans in the beginning of year, forget during the year and remember it in the end of the year."

#NowPlaying One and Only - Adele

I DO HAVE TO AGREE with that statement. Seinget gw, thn lalu gw gak bikin resolusi apa2 deh, kecuali lulus which is totally HOAX krn gw masih berstatus MAHASISWA saat ini. #MEH

So tahun ini gw mau nulisin resolusi 2012 gw, in case gw lupa atau hilang arah ditengah tahun.wkwkwk..
Walaupun gw gak akan se-OBUL becky dalam menuliskan resolusi gw, gw akan nulis point-point aja siyh. Aaah, let's see. Where should I start?

1. Mau ganti bb (⌣́_⌣̀) yg ini udah menggila errornya. Mau ganti iPhone tp kynya msi angan2 bener.aihh.. Sampe gw punya WiFi yg kenceng, gw gak mau punya iPhone/iTouch #sikap

2. Mau kerja legal yg well-paid (gpp ga interesting jg,yg penting nyoba dulu) kalau mau yg well-paid dan interesting, bisalah kerja sampingan jual *hmff* #dibekep

3. Mau liburan brg pacar,somewhere far..dan bs mure meriah.. *nabung shayyy* we've been thinking about this for awhile, kalau udah rampung, tinggal beli tiket...

4. Mau nyoba nabung di gentong mini. I can do it! (ง˘▽˘)ง

5. Mau menuntaskan IYC dan ngurus Q!FF dengan akhir yg spektakuler *heitz, fantastis dan bombastis* and I'm moving on =) its not like i dont care about IYC and Q!FF anymore, its time to pursue my dream. Eh tp gw tertarik jd steering committee di IYC sih..woohoo!

6. Cepetan sidang dan lulus. Malu jd mhs mulu.. (⌣́_⌣̀) Ini udah 4,5 thn jalan 5 thn yak.. Udah tuaaaa, masa mau jd mahasiswa S1 muluuu?

7. Try new things (wajib masuk resolusi tiap thn) adrenaline rush apalagi ya? Waterbom udah desember kemarin, USS udah 2x thn 2011, hmm.. gw pengen wisata kuliner di Spore lagi sih (perbaikan gizi alias makan babi) tp musti kerja ngangengong duluuuuu...

8. Jaga kesehatan. No diet starvation lg kecuali terpaksa. Jaga kesehatan bisa juga mengurangi kebiasaan buruk seperti........... *u know lah*

9. Ke gereja #turningtoreligion Enuf said

10. Travelinggggg...kmana ya? gw pengen coba ke Cambodia dan negara2 asean lainnya deh, kepikiran aja sih, bosen kan Jak-Sing Jak-Sing mulu #gaya #padahalkesanajugaMURE

Hmm, so far itu aja sih, untuk relasi, gw gak terlalu nuntut gmn banget, com'on, gimme a break, its time to enjoy every moment with her without panicking if something/someone will jeopardize our relationship.

#NowPlaying Someone Like You (should be SOMEONE BETTER THAN YOU) - Adele