Saturday, December 28, 2013

Random Dream About "Dad"

Semalem gw mimpi aneh bgt. Ada 2 bagian gitu.

bagian yg pertama adalah ttg JB. Di mimpi gw itu ceritanya udah 3 Januari *dia cuss kan ke Bkk* apartemennya tp beda jauh. It fell apart gt. Gw berasa kayak di scene SAW atau kayak di rmh org pasca banjir. Ada tukang2 segala dan JB masih riweuh gt. Gw cuma ngeliatin ajah. But the feeling was real. Hmm perasaan kayak ga percaya dese bakal cuss for good, perasaan bakal kehilangan, perasaan sedih gt. Duh mellow banget.
Masih byk detail tp gw ga inget euy.

Next is gw mimpiin bokap gw. Gw brasa balik ke jaman 1990an. Tp gw udin segede gini n ttp jd anak dese sih. Mobil sedannya jadul gt. Krn ini akhir thn, gw mst ke funworld tuker tiket. Lalu bokap anterin gw ke funworld. Mobilnya diparkir di dpn. Nyokap n dimas nunggu. Gw n bokap (n Rian, gw ga tau knp dese bs masuk dream frame gw) menyusuri pasar (sendal spatu wanita sih jualannya). Krn di mimpi JB tuh baru ujan, jd di pasar tuh becek2 gt. Bahkan ada yg longsor dikit  jadinya tuh brg jualan jd basah krn campuran air dan tanah. Oke sampe funworld yg ada gw main dulu donk. I know it the end of the year tp dekorasinya serem2 gt.
Gw sempet main dan mengabaikan funworld yg aneh. Dgn nenteng2 tiket yg mw dituker, gw jalan menuju counternya. Pas di jalan, tangan gw ky di tarik sama babang2 funworld sampe akhirnya ntah gmn kacamata gw copot dan rusak *ude kek kayak kacamata kertas gt. Gaganya letoy, sejajaran sama framenya. Gw marah2 dan teriak2 "Ini kacamata sebulan juga belommm!!!!!" (Kayaknya sih udah.tp gw drama bgt di mimpi)
okay, next scene is pas gw ud di counter. Rian udah ilang. Bokap gw ud balik duluan di mobil. Eh gw kpincut main 1 game lg. Lalu dpt tiket 19.000sekian. Baru gw ke counter dan mau nukerin. Disana masa ada senter darth vader abal. Mana musti nukernya dgn stengah duit stengah tiket. Males bener.
Gw lupa akhirnya nuker apa. Tp yg pasti gw ga enak bgt sama ortu esp bokap krn bikin nunggu lama pdhal janjinya cm nukerin tiket doank.Dan bokap gw super ganteng krn di jaman2 pas gw SD. Dese kan cucok bgt tuh. Wkwkwk. Well i miss him btw. A lot.

thats my random dream. Whats yours?

Thursday, December 26, 2013

This Is Like A Flashback, This Is Like A Dream

Di hari yang fitri (kenapa fitri ya? kenapa ga rosa, dini, tia dan kawan2?) ini, gw mau refleksi 2013 ahhh. Dari judulnya, tau donk lagunya sapote? Yeph, si Calvin Harris pas jaman gw SMA. Semacam kangen, pengen nostalgila #keplak FOKUS VAL

Anyway, 2013 menurut gw adalah tahun penuh kejutan. Most of my wishes came true.

1. Gw pengen kerjaan yang menarik. Dikasihlah kesempatan untuk membantu Pak Jan, Melle dan teman teman sebagai fixer film dokumenter tentang Louis Couperus di Feb 2013. SUPER AWESOME! Untuk pertama kalinya gw ke Surabaya + Pasuruan + (nyaris ke Malang) dan gw jadi turis di negeri gw sendiri #OkeSip its a fun experience. Kerja sama opa2 gaul dari Belanda menyenangkan sekali. Ada lah insiden gw salah nelpon "HI SEXY BOY" ke Pak Jan (mustinya ke Melle, ini perkara gw iseng aja sih).Aduh pokoknya project ini super seruuuu!
"Wahhh, Surabaya keren banget! Ada MONUMEN PENNE" - gw
"Itu bambu runcing" - Prisa
"Oh." - gw sambil pegang perut. Baru sampe dan LAPER BANGET

Kayak gini nih projectnya. Ini shooting di Untung Suropati, Pasuruan. Kalau gak lg shooting, biasanya kami makan besar atau gak ngadem di The Maj, barnya Hotel Majapahit. And drank sissy drinks. COOL!
2. Related to the above, I also want to expand my circle of friends. Gw ikutan berbagai macam event, ketemu banyak orang dengan latar belakang yang menarik. Salah satunya ya pas di Surabaya itu. Ga cuma sama Prisa dan Nig, gw juga kenalan sama arek2 SBY kayak Eddie, Chocco, Tante Jo, Vin, Vera, dan Kres. Dari situ pun, nambah temen lagi dari temen mereka. Menarik! Abis itu gw ikutan EoS, Erasmusindocs, Kineforum Misbar, hmm apalagi ya? Its just wonderful to be surrounded by friendly people.
Ini full teamnya:
Pak Jan, Melle, Val, Prisa, Thomas, Nig, Menno and Bas
3. Next is about traveling. I LOVE TRAVELING. Tahun ini 3 kali ke KL, 2 kali ke Spore, 1 kali ke Bali. (percayalah, 2 trip ke KL dan Spore itu trip mure merieeee) somehow it works. Dan bisa beneran liburan ala2 turis di Bali. Hihi, menyenangkan. Walaupun duit yang dikeluarkan banyak selama tahun ini utk traveling, EVERYTHING IS WORTH IT.

4. It's all about the money... *tralalala* tahun ini gw diberi kesempatan untuk megang duit banyak dan sayangnya gw terlalu boros. Bener kata Kuru, duit itu buat gw akan ngalir aja. Rejeki lancar, pengeluaran juga lancar. Gotta save the money, bancicahhhh..

5. Me want drama. God gave me a LONG LASTING DRAMA *nangis kan udeh dikasih drama* #PakeMascaraDramatic Semua yang sudah terjadi, bikin gw belajar banyak. Bahkan masih belajar kok sampai sekarang. Tahun ini memang banyak dramanya sih. Tahun depan dikurangin yah.

And after all I've been through..

I think, God is telling me "Told you. I gave not only what you want, but what you need. Learn it the hard way"

What have you done in 2013?

Monday, December 16, 2013

Another Invitation

Beberapa hari yang lalu, tmn kuliah gw ngewhatsapp gw. Nanya2 soal beberapa temen peer group dan nanya apakah gw masih suka konko. Nah barusan gw cek wa dr dia lagi, ternyata dia mau ngundang kami ke nikahannya dia 12 Januari.

waw..

i mean.. wow, my friends are getting married. Veli nikah bulan November. Citra Sinergi Muda nikah Desember. Dan si She2 bkl nikah Januari 2014. Hmm hmm..

Gw berasa ganjil aja. Di umur 24 aja temen2 pd nikah. Sampe gw berumur 30 thn juga feeling gw mmakin byk temen yg nikah. Hmm.. berasa bakal left out aja sih.

I really like the wedding celebration. But the concept of marriage scared the shit out of me. Aaah..blm siap. Blm mau. Blm ini itu. Ntah gw nya yg masih terlalu parno utk berkomitmen sedemikian rupa atau emang gwnya aja yg terlalu menjunjung tinggi konsep pernikahan. But either way, gw sempet membahas hal ini sama rain. Pas kmrn ke Veli, kayaknya dia melihat gw auper excited dan senang, berada di celebration of love model begitu. Dia cuma nanya, "mau ya?" Dan gw kayaknya cm mesyem2 aja. Bingung juga.. the wedding is awesome, not sure if i want the marriage.

Hmm.. balik lagi.. ya jadinya gw harus bersiap sih menghadiri resepsi pernikahan dan mupeng2 ga jelas gitu. We'll see how it goes.. siapa tau mendadak gw pgn nikah, atau gw memutuskan utk gak nikah sama sekali. Huhu..

-ga bs tidur krn br kelar event-

Friday, November 15, 2013

That one person on every film festival

Tadi pagi di jalan gw mikir. Setiap film festival ada suka dukanya. Dan kadang dukanya overwhelming banget sampai-sampai bikin lo eneq dan males kerja. Tapi kenapa gw bisa bertahan ya?
Lalu gw pun mencari2 alasan sampai gw menemukan fakta bahwa ada seseorang di sana yang bikin gw tetep tahan bahkan meningkatkan kinerja gw. Alasannya simple, I just dont want to let you down.

Di Q!FF awal ada John, lalu Hally, lalu diakhir2 adalah Rain.
Di EoS ada Orlow dan Mbak Meli, istrinya.
Di Erasmusindocs ada Mbak Lulus yang super baik.

Terlepas dari film festival, ada beberapa event lagi tapi gw ga menyebutkan segelintir orang-orang seperti diatas karena memang sense of belongingnya sudah cukup kuat. Sinergi Muda/Indonesian Youth Converence. I dont stay at IYC just because of Alanda, Adam, Citra, Ribiw atau teman-teman lainnya. Melainkan karena gw ngerasa IYC merupakan bayi gw yang gw urus dari kecil.

Well that's interesting aja sih. Memang perlu "ORANG yg bikin semangat" sih ya. Kalau ngga, kayaknya kurang GASPOL aja gitu kinerja gw.

Ah, life is good. So far.

Friday, September 27, 2013

Christopher, Student of The Year

Vincent, Chris, Val and Monic (Val's Day 2013)

This story is about Christopher, my youngest student. At first, I only taught his older siblings, Vincent and Monic at their apartment. Tante Rina, their mom, asked me to teach Chris also. I think it was 3 years ago, the 1st time I taught him. But sadly, he skipped 1 year for cancer treatment in Singapore. And last year (2012), he came back to Indonesia. Yay! 

It was freaking sad when I heard the news, he had cancer at such young age. I didn't knew if it's genetic. Soalnya Shila, yg ngenalin gw ke Tante Rina (masih saudara sama Shila juga), juga pernah operasi kista pas tahun 2011 atau 2012 (sebelum dia ke Kanada). Anyway, back to Chris. Di awal les (sebelum dia ke SG), dia kurang begitu antusias dan ga PEDE gitu kalau ngobrol pake bahasa Inggris. Banyak "I don't know" dan "ga tau". Beberapa hal yang berkesan saat periode ini adalah kami sama-sama suka SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS. He collected the cards and I asked him to buy some for me. He got it from his school (SD Tarakanita Tendean). Ga lama les. dia musti ke SG untuk cemo dan treatment. Tapi gw seneng banget pas dia udah balik ke Jakarta di thn 2012. Oh iyaaaa, dia pernah bawain gw Ritter Sport paling enakkkkkkk pas dia balik. Coklatnya segede2 gaban gini. Wajib beli ini sih tiap kali ke SG atau Malaysia. 

SUPER YUMMY!

Masih perlu PDKT lagi (toh yg diawal juga belum begitu dekat) dan makin lama dia makin keliatan progressnya. Gw menetapkan sistem reward sih. Kalau dia ngerjain exercise dari gw atau menyelesaikan tugas-tugas bahasa Inggrisnya, kami biasanya main kartu (dari monopoly card, picturica, UNO, pet war dan game of life). Gw berusaha untuk memancing dia untuk ngomong bahasa Inggris dari permainan2 tersebut. And it worked!

Setelah beberapa bulan, dia mulai keliatan semangat les. Dia mau ngerjain tugas. Dia mau mencoba untuk menjelaskan atau bercerita ke gw pakai bahasa Inggris walaupun kadang dicampur bahasa Indonesia. That was totally fine because at least he tried his best. Abis dia balik, gw banyak nanya ke dia seperti makanan kesukaannya (yg mana yg boleh, yg mana yg ga boleh), mobil apa yg lagi dia suka, gimana perasaannya dia balik sekolah, dst. Buat gw, membina relasi sama murid itu menyenangkan. Gw pun bikin perayaan Val's day kecil-kecilan sebelum gw 3 minggu menghilang di Jawa Timur. Lucu deh, kami tukeran coklat gitu. 

And.... I GOT THESE FOR MY VAL'S DAY =D
Beberapa hal yang gw inget banget dari Chris:

1. Setelah dari SG, dia mengulang kelas 4. Pas ulangan, dia dapet nilai kurang baik. Gw cek item2 dari kertas ujiannya. Wajar sih, mungkin dia masih beradaptasi dengan mata pelajaran di sekolah karena istirahat 1 thn. Oh iya, salah satu kalimat yg gw inget adalah:
WHAT DOES CHERRYBELL DO? THEY ___________ .
Chris ga menjawab pertanyaan ini. Pas gw tanya kenapa, dia bilang "Because I don't know (what Cherrybell is)" :)

2. Dia ga gampang nyerah. Walaupun berkali-kali bilang, "Aaah, udah ya" tapi setelah gw blg "Let's do this exercise then we can play pet war" lalu dia berhasil mengerjakan 100 soal. Dia pun juga ga percaya bisa mengerjakan soal sebanyak itu.

3. Chris suka menjawab pertanyaan secara berurutan. Gw sering bilang "do the easy ones first". Di saat mengerjakan, dulu dia suka ga PD sama jawabannya. Tapi minggu lalu dia bilang "I'll do it first" lalu langsung ngerjain, ga pake nanya setiap kali dia nulis jawaban.

4. He liked wordsearch =D

5. Beberapa minggu yang lalu, pas gw dateng, dia langsung nyodorin kertas ulangannya. Seminggu sebelumnya dia yakin bakal dapet 80 untuk ulangannya. Turned out he got the perfect score. Itu kertas ujian langsung gw photo karena gw bangga banget sama dia.

6. Gw sempet nanya soal teman sebangkunya. Out of nowhere banget, kami bisa ngomongin hal ini. Lalu dia bilang bahwa dia duduk sendirian (mejanya untuk 2 murid). Alasannya karena dia ga suka dicontekin sama teman sebelahnya yang terdahulu sehingga dia request ke gurunya untuk diijinkan duduk sendirian. I know he was a smart kid :)

7. Chris punya banyak mainan. Dari mobil-mobilan, iPad sampai animal speaker (bentuk monyet yg dijual di Informa itu lho) gw sirik banget sama Chris karena speakernya soalnya lucu.

8. Jumat, 20 Sept (les terakhir kami) dia berhasil mendapatkan PIA DORAEMON karena menang Pet War II sebagai runner up. He was so happy.

9. Kamis , 26 Sept, gw udah nyiapin 3 folder sehingga mereka bisa menyimpan kertas-kertas les dengan rapi. Khusus untuk Chris, gw beli 1 map bening untuk persiapan main boardgames ala2 ular tangga tapi berhubungan dengan tenses. Gw udah siapin token-token spongebob dan dadu agar kami bisa main. I was so ready. Minggu sebelumnya dia sudah liat boardgames ini dan dia kepengen banget main. Tapi untuk mainin game ini, dia perlu latihan dulu tenses2nya. Gw udah janji sama dia, minggu selanjutnya, dia boleh main ini.

Terakhir gw melihat dia, dia tertidur dengan tenang. Wajahnya damai dan dia pun tersenyum. Pas ketemu Tante Rina, Papanya Chris dan Monic, mereka ga nangis di depan gw. Mereka menjelaskan bahwa Chris kena leukimia (kanker yang ga related sama kanker sarafnya thn lalu).

He just passed away on 25 Sept 2013. Just one day before our Thursday lesson.



Sunday, September 8, 2013

Disappointed

I wish nothing but the best...for youuuuuuuuu..

*save as draft* #UNPUBLISHED

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Beautifully Broken




In 2006, I was introduced to her. She was very beautiful and charming. I fell for the 1st time. A week later, I went to the party just to see her. Maybe it was my 1st party, I was pretty shy and didn't know what to do nor how to dance. I just looked at her, dancing gracefully with her partners. She swayed, laughed, kissed and smiled. Too bad I didn't impress her at that time, but she was the best thing in 2006. I hoped I could meet her again next year.

In 2007, she was on my mind and I visited her. She was very calm. I wished to see her again but I didn't have any time. I was caught up in my personal life hence I didn't really focus on her. Another hope to see her again next year.

In 2008, I looked for any chance to be near her and there was this opportunity. She accepted me. Maybe she recognized me from earlier events or maybe my CV was very impressive. I wasn't sure. The only thing I feel was I was very glad. At least, I had more chance to feel her presence longer and just be there when she needed me. I maybe not her best assistant because I wasn't significant to her. But at the end, she smiled at me and I knew I was in love. I really wished I can be her assistant next year, to get a closer look at her beautiful smile.

In 2009, I was her assistant again. A year of waiting. I did the same thing. But this time, the feeling went beyond my expectation. She rubbed my back and whisper, "You're my best assistant." And I felt very proud of myself. I did a great job and she noticed it. Please, I want more than this.

In 2010, two of her partners asked me to meet her personally. I went on a date with her and she decided that we could be more than friends. She wanted me as her partner as much as I wanted her. I knew she was with several people (who were also her partners) but I didn't care, I was very grateful. Every moment I spent with her, I felt safe and warm. I loved her more than ever. Although there was an incident where she was attacked because her behavior wasn't accepted by society, I stayed by her side. We finally survived. I learnt so many things from her. Love and friendship. Well, what I can say, she brought up the best in me. At the end of our celebration of love, I cried because I knew that this feeling was real. I was too in love and I would protect her. The hope of seeing her next year was gone since I stayed with her, always kept her close to me.

In 2011, we were doing great until I found out she had cancer. One of her long term partner left her in a bad condition. I had to take control therefore I spend more time taking care of her. With more responsibility, I felt overwhelmed but I loved her too much, I pushed myself to make her happy and healthier. I ran out of energy. Several times I thought about giving up but I couldn't left her in her condition at that time. She needed my support. She changed. She didn't smile the way that she did. She was broken. Beautifully broken. At the end of the year, I knew I had to give up on her. I was too tired and exhausted taking care of her.

In 2012, she called me, wanting me back. I missed her voice. She was still funny, though. I asked her how she was at that moment. She was in a bad condition and really needed me. I refused at 1st but somehow she managed to make it work. She promised not to nag much this time. I felt pity for her. I agreed to stay with her. In the mean time, I moved on slowly. She was no longer attractive. She was a burden for me and I felt like I sacrificed too much for her. She was no longer worth it. At the end of our meeting, I broke her heart, telling her that I couldn't continue this relationship any longer. She looked devastated but I needed to separate from her.

In 2013, I rarely saw her. Maybe I avoided her in a way she should understand. She was weak. It was sad to see her smiling at me whenever she got a chance. We both knew that we couldn't be together but she hoped I could be in her life. The last thing I heard from her was she got HIV from her other partner. She didn't see it coming. I was devastated to hear that news. I wondered why her partners didn't protect her, knowing that she was very fragile. At the same time, I was grateful because I left her when her condition wasn't that bad. All I could think of were our sweet and happy memories. I pray for her so she can get better. I hope she can survive for at least 3 years from now. I'm sorry, Love, I cannot be there for you this year.




Friday, August 9, 2013

intrigued

Your Reputation is Priceless, Don’t Damage It – Over time, your reputation is the most valuable currency you have in business.  It’s the invisible key that either opens or closes doors of professional opportunity.  Especially in an age where everything is forever recorded and accessible, your reputation has to be guarded like the most sacred treasure.  It’s the one item that, once lost, you can never get back.

It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you'll do things differently.
Warren Buffett

Thursday, August 8, 2013

HOUSE addiction

Gw tau sih, gw semacam telat suka sama HOUSE,MD tapi gw baru sempet dvd marathonnya sekarang. Doh, im getting emotional right now. Gw baru mulai season 8 dan Lisa Cuddy gak adaaaaaaa...I haven't cried in a week or two. Bangke nih HOUSE. Gw sukaaa ngeliat dinamika mereka. Lagian, Lisa udah ada dari season 1. Jadi esensi dari season 8 ini aposeee? 

Feeling gw sih season 8 jadi season penghabisan yang semuanya dibukain gitu. Tp masih blm bisa move on kalau si Lisa udah ga di season 8 lagi. Wong di season 7 sebelum season finale, si Lisa kayaknya bisa dipalbis2in sama House gt. MEH. Anyway, gw tetep bakal nonton sih, ngabisin house karena tanggungggg.

Oh iya, semalem gw mimpi deket secara emosional sama Hugh Laurie (iya, si Gred House). Aneh banget. Yang gw inget cuma gw meluk dia kayak bocah. Father complex gw keliatan banget. Mungkin perkara tggl 7 Agutus lalu ultah bokap kali ya? I don't know, gw cuma bingung aja sih kenapa mimpinya seperti itu. Mimpiin House sih fixed karena gw keseringan nonton. Mimpiin HOUSE deket sama gw (dan gw kayaknya ga takut atau terintimidasi) nah itu yang bikin gw bingung.

Mgkin gw kangen bokap. 

~ToV~

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Pasangan Ideal




Beberapa tahun yang lalu pas gw masih kuliah, gw pernah nanya ke temen SMA gw perihal pasangan yang ideal menurut dia seperti apa. Dan jawabannya,

"Gw pengen punya cowok yang tinggi, putih, pinter, tajir, ganteng kayak Daniel Radcliffe dan batak."

Yes, good luck finding the batak version of Daniel Radcliffe. Sampai saat ini sih dia belum menemukan orang yang seperti itu jadi masih jomblo selama 24 tahun tanggal 23 bulan ini (Gosh! I shared the same birthdate with her).

Finding your perfect match aint easy and I learnt it the hard way. Contohnya temen gw itu, sebut saja Kamboja. Kriterianya dia ya seperti itu tadi. Mungkin sulit dapet yang memenuhi seluruh kriteria, mungkin aja suatu saat dia akan menemukan laki-laki sesuai harapannya tapi HOMO.

Well anyway, having your own list is important so you wont flirt with everything that moves and you have a specific goal in a relationship. I spent the last 10 years, figuring out what I want in a relationship and what kind of a partner who actually can handle me. During my super awesome journey, I met so many people (which I thought, it was a mistake at that moment) and try to understand their personalities. Minimal dalam pencarian itu, hasilnya bukan "tipe pasangan ideal si Ceceh" melainkan "People I will not date".

Gw ga mau pacaran sama alay
Gw ga mau pacaran sama yang tukang nyiksa bathin dengan nurunin self esteem gw
Gw ga mau pacaran sama yang suka selingkuh
Gw ga mau pacaran sama yang gemar bohong
Gw ga mau pacaran sama yang masih blm coming out sama dirinya (lesbian in denial)
Gw ga mau pacaran sama orang yang manggil gw Palent, instead of Valent.
Gw ga mau pacaran sama orang yang psycho
Gw ga mau pacaran sama orang yang insecure
Gw ga mau pacaran sama orang yang masih dikintilin mantannya atau #TeamGagalMoveOn
Gw ga mau pacaran sama orang yang sudah nikah
Gw ga mau pacaran sama orang yang wawasannya sempit
Gw ga mau pacaran sama orang yang terlalu mengekang
Gw ga mau pacaran sama orang yang gampang cembokur (cemburu)
Gw ga mau pacaran sama orang yang mata duitan
Gw ga mau pacaran sama orang yang doyan mabar (drunk)
Gw ga mau pacaran sama orang yang doyan melakukan unprotected sex (HIV test is a must)
Gw ga mau pacaran sama pemadat



Itu beberapa contoh dari sekian panjangnya list gw. Tapi intinya sih pasangan ideal adalah seseorang yang punya visi dan misi yang sama (atau serupa) dengan gw akan relasi (tau mau dibawa kemana), mau mencoba saling menyesuaikan diri, dan saling PERCAYA (capslock sengaja dipencet). InsyaAllah bisa membina relasi yang sakinah, mawaddah, warohmah. If you love someone based on their physical appearances, maybe you will find difficulties when your partner is no longer the way it used to be. If you love someone based on their personality, unfortunately people change (makanya sblm jadian, suruh isi dulu NEO PI-R. I LOVE THIS TEST).


Baiklah, kayaknya tulisannya berakhir disini karena gw mulai lapar. Happy tummy, happy love. 



Saturday, July 27, 2013

The List of 41 Things that Make People Happy

The list of 41 things that make people happy:

1. Going on holiday 
2. Getting into bed with freshly washed sheets 
3. Waking up on a sunny day 
4. Sneezing three or more times in a row
5. To know that there are still left a lot of pages to read from a book you love.
6. That text message you waited so much
7. To wake up from a nightmare and realize it was just a dream.
8. To eat the creamy part of a cake.
9. The day when you first realize you can drive
10. When cashiers open up new check-out lanes at the grocery store
11. Collapsing into bed when you’re completely, massively exhausted
12. The last day of school/ work
13. Crossing off the last item on your list
14. The thank you wave when you let somebody merge in front of you
15. Finally remembering where you recognize someone from after staring at them forever
16. When you officially become boyfriend girlfriend
17. Fixing electronics by smacking them
18. Seeing old people really get down on the dance floor
19. When someone guesses you’re way younger than you actually are
20. Inside jokes
21. Weird food combinations that only you love
22. Correctly spelling that old password you haven't used in a long time
23. Lying in a beam of sunlight coming through the window
24. Crazy bets
25. When the plane touches down on the runway
26. Inspiring graduation speeches
27. When you ask the people in front of you if they’re in line and they’re not
28. 3:00am conversations with your best friend
29. Kids helping their little brother or sister across the street
30. When a deadline is extended unexpectedly
31. The loudest guy at the game
32. Finding out what song is in that commercial
33. The sound of a train coming into the station
34. Laughing at a stranger with another stranger
35. Being the first of your friends to discover the latest Internet joke
36. When the Christmas tree gives the only light in the room
37. Pulling a weed and getting all the roots with it
38. Staying up so late that everything becomes funny
39. Finishing your last exam
40. Laughing so hard you start crying
41. The smell of Play-Doh


What makes you happy? :)

Friday, July 26, 2013

Moving On



It's called break up because it's broken.

Break up always has its ups and downs, however you move on with your life, get a new partner, and so on. And what if you don't move on?


Oke, 1 kasus dari teman baik gw, Grandiosa dan mantannya Leviosa (terinspirasi dari mainan baru, terminologi psikologi dan Harry Potter yang dikawinkan secara tidak senonoh). Grandiosa sudah putus dari Leviosa setahun lebih. Leviosa sudah punya pasangan baru, sedangkan Grandiosa berjanji pada dirinya sendiri untuk menjomblo selama 2 tahun (to pull things together, be a better person, and just chilling plus mingling while being single. awesome? absolutely).

Grandiosa dan Leviosa tetap berteman setelah mereka putus atas nama menjalin silahturami. I'm sure they aware of what they're doing. The way I see it, mereka membuat comfort zone (terlepas dari Leviosa sudah punya pasangan) untuk mereka berdua dimana mereka tetap menyayangi satu sama lain dengan caranya masing-masing. The attention and affection is similar like when they're together (the sweet nicknames and the behaviors towards each other is limited but they still shared the same passion about each other).

Masalah datang ketika Grandiosa menemukan orang lain yang bisa membuatnya nyaman hingga jatuh cinta. Kalau boleh gw gambarkan, Leviosa merasa ditinggalkan sendiri dari zona nyamannya karena Grandiosa telah membuat zona nyaman baru bersama orang baru ini.

Leviosa berusaha untuk menarik perhatian Grandiosa dan terkesan menuntut diperlakukan seperti dulu saat mereka masih dekat sehingga membuat Grandiosa tidak nyaman. Seakan tidak rela perannya direbut sama si orang baru, Leviosa menuduh Grandiosa sudah tidak sayang, tidak perhatian dan tidak-tidak lainnya. The bottom line is Leviosa is craving for Grandiosa's attention and affection. She cannot access it any longer because Grandiosa has already met someone new to comfort her.

Jadi saat ini Grandiosa dilemma dan bingung menghadapi Leviosa yang terus-terusan menganalisa perilakunya Grandiosa. Jawaban dari Grandiosa adalah "kita berteman" ketika Leviosa bertanya Grandiosa sayang sama dia atau tidak. It's not really the answer for me. The answer is yes or no then you get the chance to explain it.

Dari sudut pandang gw sebagai observer, it's obvious that Grandiosa has already moved on from Leviosa. Tapi dia ga kasih tau ke Leviosa sehingga Leviosa jadi bingung. Dari pernyataan "kita berteman" saja udah ambigu karena perilakunya masih seperti pasangan (walaupun tidak berstatus pacaran). Leviosa pun tidak mau disamakan dengan teman-teman Grandiosa. Wait, did I miss something here? Oh yeah, it's clear that Grandiosa used to abuse the term "FRIEND" (dengan perlakukannya yang lebih dari sekedar teman ke Leviosa) dan tidak ada kejelasan diantara hubungan mereka. So when Grandiosa mentioned that they're friends but the ACTIONS didnt meet Leviosa's expectation, Leviosa got confused and disoriented. "Jadi kamu nganggep aku sebagai apa?" mungkin itu salah satu yang dipikirkan Leviosa. Dan Grandiosa terlalu jenuh menghadapi sikap Leviosa yang terlalu menuntut.

I say Grandiosa is a coward. If only Grandiosa can tell Leviosa "I've moved on from you. I still wanna be friends with you but I cannot give you what you want any longer, what I've been giving you since we broke up. I want to pursue my own happiness and apparently you are not making me happy at the moment," maybe Leviosa will understand the fact that her rebound guy is no longer available so stop expecting anything from Grandiosa.

To be perfectly honest, this is a simple case. It doesn't take a psychologist to figure this out. Gimana mau move on kalau masih nyaman diperlakukan layaknya pacar? Fiuh, gw bersyukur bisa mencegah drama-drama gak penting tapi esensial dan bikin galau kayak begini. Setelah putus dari mantan gw yg 4,5 tahun (jatuh bangun moment, dangdut banget deh love life gw saat itu), gw langsung minta puasa 6 bulan di muka. Memang kesannya tega dan jahat dan "sampe segitunya ye lo mau ngapus gw dari hidup lo?" tapi gw tau tabiat dia yang gemar intervensi hubungan gw ketika gw sudah sama orang lain. Gw tau gw lemah dan mungkin bisa kebawa arus "mari kita balikan lagi, neng" atau bahkan lebih parah "mari kita belaga pacaran tapi gak perlu pake status, yang penting kita berdua bahagia (padahal euphoria)" makanya gw buru-buru minta maaf dan mengajukan proposal puasa 6 bulan ga berhubungan (telpon, sms, bbm, fb, email, sebutin aja semuanya). Setelah 6 bulan, kami ketemu lagi dan gw ngeliat bahwa dia bisa dijadiin temen (tentunya gak pake aku-kamu, sebutan sayang, pegang2 modus, bbman tiap hari secara intense dan segala jenis HEART FUCK lainnya). Another achievement is I finally can meet her and introduce my current girlfriend to my ex. Surprisingly, they can get along together altho it was a bit awkward for the first 15 minutes. But the meeting goes well and it is indeed a friendly lunch.

Enough bragging, balik lagi ke kasus diatas, gw berharap Grandiosa punya keberanian untuk berterus terang dan Leviosa bisa menerimanya dengan baik. Biar proses move on-nya bisa berjalan lancar. Tapi kalau mereka tetap memutuskan (setelah negosiasi) untuk tidak move on dari relasi mereka yang telah berakhir belasan bulan yang lalu dan melanjutkan pertemanan plus plus ini, semoga tidak menimbulkan konflik baru dalam comfort zone mereka dan menyeret pasangan Leviosa ke dalam konflik yang sebenernya "ga ada masalah tapi diada-adain".



Have a great Saturday night. And you are awesome. You truly are.

Thursday, July 25, 2013

The real EX ZONED

11 Sept 2012
I'm wondering why I didnt publish it. 
#bingungsendiri
Tapi setelah baca kontennya, gw baru sadar kenapa. Confidential issues. 
Happy reading 




You fall out of love, break up with ur partner, and move on with your life.
As simple as that (ngucap gampang), ngelakuinnya susah ye. Dua teman baik gw saat ini lg ketar ketir gitu. Udah putus, tp masih dalam tahap penggantungan. Yang satu sepertinya sudah kehilangan perasaan, yang satunya masih berjuang untuk bisa balikan. I guess its not their 1st time so there’s (always) a chance of getting back. They were a sweet couple, were my role models. Investasi mereka udah banyak dalam relasi tersebut (baik material maupun perasaan) but it just wouldn’t work out if one of them didn’t want to be in a relationship with each other.

I don’t have the heart to tell her this way therefore I’m blogging now. I’m listening to Adele at the moment (sayat2 pake pisau sevel) =D Hmm, jujur aja gw rada serba salah karena gw lebih relate (based on experience) sama pacarnya ketimbang sama temen gw. Ketika gw dicurhatin sama temen gw, gw berasa kayak dicurhatin sama mantan gw. Kejadiannya 11-12 tp gw mutusin dulu sebelum dating sama pacar gw yg skrg. Oh iya, keduanya itu teman baik gw (see, when it comes to break-up, mau ga mau pasti ada taking side moment walaupun Cuma temporary. But really, I do love them just like my sisters and I’m trying being completely neutral although there’s no such thing in Psychology).

Gw nulis ini krn gregetan aja, yang satu masih usaha, yg satu ga mau menjelaskan perasaannya (tau sih bingung bgt, diantara 2 pilihan, Cuma kalau memang mau putus, diseriusin, instead of mengadakan pergantungan). Semuanya wajar dan memang begitulah keadaan orang putus. Cuma kalau memang ada yg baru dan pengen diseriusin (terlepas dari org itu suka balik/ngga), yaudah jgn gantungin mantannya. Gw ngeliatnya sih kayak yg satu ada 2 pilihan dan unfortunately si mantan lg jadi ban serep. Itu gak enak bgt lho. Secara sadar ga sadar ya, semakin lama pergantungan ini, semakin bingung si pacar, semakin nelongso si mantan.

Hal ini dilakukan mungkin krn takut kehilangan “rasa nyaman” atau takut gak dapet pacar pasca putus dari kedua pihak. Tapi bukankah itu konsekuensi dari putus hubungan?

Kalau gw merefleksikan soal konsekuensi ini, gw pun juga ga munafik lah, Gw kangen sama mantan gw karena memang kami pernah menghabiskan sekian tahun bareng. Apalagi kami masih dalam masa “6 bulan ga ngobrol”. I think it works. Jadi kami benar2 fokus pada hidup kami. Kami tau, masukin relasi yg gak jelas juntrungannya malah menghambat kami untuk berkembang. Dan memang saat itu, gw mgkin lbh aware sama ketidaksehatan relasi kami dan nekat untuk kehilangan rasa nyaman dari dia. And she agreed to it (this is what makes she is cool). Menarik sih memang. Relasi bertahun-tahun dikubur so we can function well.

Gw ga kebayang kalau ga ada 6 month agreement. Kemungkinan kami untuk saling mengabuse secara voluntary bisa timbul dan mgkin malah menghambat kinerja kami. Now we don’t want that to happen, right? (although prosesnya memang menyakitkan dan gak mudah) I guess its worth it.
Btw, if I got a chance to talk to her, I just wanna say sorry for giving ADELE’s CD. I really am. I thought it was a nice break-up gift. (taunya liriknya begitu, setelah gw dengerin ratusan kali, gw jadi ikutan galau.. bangke kamu, adele!)

#meh

#NowPlaying He Won’t Go-Adele
I won’t go.. I can’t do it on my own
If this ain’t love, then what is?
I am willing to take the risk..
#Sayat2PakePisauSevel

Status BBM

Gw tergengges dengan status bbm temen-temen di bbm gw. It's like "hey, you have to know every detail of my life" or "please kindly stalk me". Menyebalkan aja gitu ketika orang nyari perhatian tapi caranya gak asik begini.

Ntahlah, dari beberapa status bbm yang gw inget itu:

- haruskah aku...?
yes, please die. the sooner the better.

- [nama] at [nama negara]
pertama, mustinya pake IN instead of AT. Kedua, bahkan namanya bukan nama orang itu tp nama anaknya. Oke, gw ngaku, itu nyokap gw yg gemar masang photo gw jadi DP BBM dan ngubah statusnya jadi Valen at Malaysia. Apose indang?

- @[nama]: Cyin, baca bbmku
Kalau ga ada yg bbm gw untuk baca status temen gw, gw ga akan baca bbmnya. Mustinya gw bales: "@namatemenguve: OKE CYIN, eyke akan baca. urgent gak?" Apakah chatting via bbm terlalu mainstream sehingga musti chatting via status bbm?

*brb cari inspirasi dulu di contact bbm*

-  Adakah C I N T A yang tak pernah berakhir? Selalu untuk selamanya....
seeking attention level galau tingkat delusional

- Wish you know my sadness in my smile ; can hear my words in my silence ; can feel my love in my anger
seeking attention level teenage love

- Btul2 capek jln dari Goa tengkorak!!
seeking attention level mistis

Akh, lagi ga ada yang seruuuuu.. well anyway, akhirnya gw tersadar (gak sih, gw diteriakin sama temen gw) bahwa kalau memang gw ga suka, yaudah gak usah dilihat status bbmnya. bener juga sih, cuma gw gatel aja pengen komen "cari perhatian banget sih luuuuu" karena gw percaya setiap tindakan pasti ada motifnya. Kecuali lo memang impulsif (ba ba ba..ba..banana..)



Dannnnn... setiap gw ngeliat status2 bbm (maupun facebook) yang caper2 gitu, to be perfectly honest, my motive is to feel good (or better) about myself. Makanya gw jarang delete contact maupun unfriend di facebook. In case I'm not in my best mood, bisa halan-halan di facebook ngeliatin status-status (terutama temen-temen lesbian cilik yang cemungudh ea kakagh) and be grateful for what i have right now.

Have a good night, attention seekers!

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Give Me Love - Ed Sheeren





"Give Me Love"
Give me love like her,
'Cause lately I've been waking up alone,
Pain splattered teardrops on my shirt,
Told you I'd let them go,

And that I'll fight my corner,
Maybe tonight I'll call ya,
After my blood turns into alcohol,
No, I just wanna hold ya.

Give a little time to me or burn this out,
We'll play hide and seek to turn this around,
All I want is the taste that your lips allow,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love,
My, my, my, my, give me love,

Give me love like never before,
'Cause lately I've been craving more,
And it's been a while but I still feel the same,
Maybe I should let you go,

You know I'll fight my corner,
And that tonight I'll call ya,
After my blood is drowning in alcohol,
No, I just wanna hold ya.

Give a little time to me or burn this out,
We'll play hide and seek to turn this around,
All I want is the taste that your lips allow,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love,

Give a little time to me or burn this out,
We'll play hide and seek to turn this around,
All I want is the taste that your lips allow,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love.


Monday, January 7, 2013

A Piece of My Bear-tionship

"Go make me sandwich, woman" - Hungry Me

"Meh." - said my gf without expression.

Sigh.

"You want sex tonight. Now go make me sandwich and we can fix it" - desperate me

"Nah.. not really."

"BUT I WANT BOTH >.<"

Jan 7, 10.25 pm

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Resolusi Pacar Utk Mbak Dita

Resolusi Pacar dan Teman utk kesembuhan Mbak Dita:
- membantu Mbak Dita mencapai resolusi 2013 nya : menjadi lbh baik
- melakukan assesment utk melihat apa yg bs dilakukan
- bikin budgeting utk program pemulihan
- piket tiap minggu untuk telp Mbak Dita utk menanyakan kabar dan ngobrol.
- ajak tmn2 Ottawa untuk turut membantu (gathering)
- siap menyediakan tempat kalau Mbak Dita mau nginep


Said by GF on Jan 6, 2.39 am