Random Dream About "Dad"

Semalem gw mimpi aneh bgt. Ada 2 bagian gitu.

bagian yg pertama adalah ttg JB. Di mimpi gw itu ceritanya udah 3 Januari *dia cuss kan ke Bkk* apartemennya tp beda jauh. It fell apart gt. Gw berasa kayak di scene SAW atau kayak di rmh org pasca banjir. Ada tukang2 segala dan JB masih riweuh gt. Gw cuma ngeliatin ajah. But the feeling was real. Hmm perasaan kayak ga percaya dese bakal cuss for good, perasaan bakal kehilangan, perasaan sedih gt. Duh mellow banget.
Masih byk detail tp gw ga inget euy.

Next is gw mimpiin bokap gw. Gw brasa balik ke jaman 1990an. Tp gw udin segede gini n ttp jd anak dese sih. Mobil sedannya jadul gt. Krn ini akhir thn, gw mst ke funworld tuker tiket. Lalu bokap anterin gw ke funworld. Mobilnya diparkir di dpn. Nyokap n dimas nunggu. Gw n bokap (n Rian, gw ga tau knp dese bs masuk dream frame gw) menyusuri pasar (sendal spatu wanita sih jualannya). Krn di mimpi JB tuh baru ujan, jd di pasar tuh becek2 gt. Bahkan ada yg longsor dikit  jadinya tuh brg jualan jd basah krn campuran air dan tanah. Oke sampe funworld yg ada gw main dulu donk. I know it the end of the year tp dekorasinya serem2 gt.
Gw sempet main dan mengabaikan funworld yg aneh. Dgn nenteng2 tiket yg mw dituker, gw jalan menuju counternya. Pas di jalan, tangan gw ky di tarik sama babang2 funworld sampe akhirnya ntah gmn kacamata gw copot dan rusak *ude kek kayak kacamata kertas gt. Gaganya letoy, sejajaran sama framenya. Gw marah2 dan teriak2 "Ini kacamata sebulan juga belommm!!!!!" (Kayaknya sih udah.tp gw drama bgt di mimpi)
okay, next scene is pas gw ud di counter. Rian udah ilang. Bokap gw ud balik duluan di mobil. Eh gw kpincut main 1 game lg. Lalu dpt tiket 19.000sekian. Baru gw ke counter dan mau nukerin. Disana masa ada senter darth vader abal. Mana musti nukernya dgn stengah duit stengah tiket. Males bener.
Gw lupa akhirnya nuker apa. Tp yg pasti gw ga enak bgt sama ortu esp bokap krn bikin nunggu lama pdhal janjinya cm nukerin tiket doank.Dan bokap gw super ganteng krn di jaman2 pas gw SD. Dese kan cucok bgt tuh. Wkwkwk. Well i miss him btw. A lot.

thats my random dream. Whats yours?

This Is Like A Flashback, This Is Like A Dream

Di hari yang fitri (kenapa fitri ya? kenapa ga rosa, dini, tia dan kawan2?) ini, gw mau refleksi 2013 ahhh. Dari judulnya, tau donk lagunya sapote? Yeph, si Calvin Harris pas jaman gw SMA. Semacam kangen, pengen nostalgila #keplak FOKUS VAL

Anyway, 2013 menurut gw adalah tahun penuh kejutan. Most of my wishes came true.

1. Gw pengen kerjaan yang menarik. Dikasihlah kesempatan untuk membantu Pak Jan, Melle dan teman teman sebagai fixer film dokumenter tentang Louis Couperus di Feb 2013. SUPER AWESOME! Untuk pertama kalinya gw ke Surabaya + Pasuruan + (nyaris ke Malang) dan gw jadi turis di negeri gw sendiri #OkeSip its a fun experience. Kerja sama opa2 gaul dari Belanda menyenangkan sekali. Ada lah insiden gw salah nelpon "HI SEXY BOY" ke Pak Jan (mustinya ke Melle, ini perkara gw iseng aja sih).Aduh pokoknya project ini super seruuuu!

"Wahhh, Surabaya keren banget! Ada MONUMEN PENNE" - gw
"Itu bambu runcing" - Prisa
"Oh." - gw sambil pegang perut. Baru sampe dan LAPER BANGET

Kayak gini nih projectnya. Ini shooting di Untung Suropati, Pasuruan. Kalau gak lg shooting, biasanya kami makan besar atau gak ngadem di The Maj, barnya Hotel Majapahit. And drank sissy drinks. COOL!

2. Related to the above, I also want to expand my circle of friends. Gw ikutan berbagai macam event, ketemu banyak orang dengan latar belakang yang menarik. Salah satunya ya pas di Surabaya itu. Ga cuma sama Prisa dan Nig, gw juga kenalan sama arek2 SBY kayak Eddie, Chocco, Tante Jo, Vin, Vera, dan Kres. Dari situ pun, nambah temen lagi dari temen mereka. Menarik! Abis itu gw ikutan EoS, Erasmusindocs, Kineforum Misbar, hmm apalagi ya? Its just wonderful to be surrounded by friendly people.

Ini full teamnya:
Pak Jan, Melle, Val, Prisa, Thomas, Nig, Menno and Bas

3. Next is about traveling. I LOVE TRAVELING. Tahun ini 3 kali ke KL, 2 kali ke Spore, 1 kali ke Bali. (percayalah, 2 trip ke KL dan Spore itu trip mure merieeee) somehow it works. Dan bisa beneran liburan ala2 turis di Bali. Hihi, menyenangkan. Walaupun duit yang dikeluarkan banyak selama tahun ini utk traveling, EVERYTHING IS WORTH IT.

4. It's all about the money... *tralalala* tahun ini gw diberi kesempatan untuk megang duit banyak dan sayangnya gw terlalu boros. Bener kata Kuru, duit itu buat gw akan ngalir aja. Rejeki lancar, pengeluaran juga lancar. Gotta save the money, bancicahhhh..

5. Me want drama. God gave me a LONG LASTING DRAMA *nangis kan udeh dikasih drama* #PakeMascaraDramatic Semua yang sudah terjadi, bikin gw belajar banyak. Bahkan masih belajar kok sampai sekarang. Tahun ini memang banyak dramanya sih. Tahun depan dikurangin yah.

And after all I've been through..

I think, God is telling me "Told you. I gave not only what you want, but what you need. Learn it the hard way"

What have you done in 2013?

Another Invitation

Beberapa hari yang lalu, tmn kuliah gw ngewhatsapp gw. Nanya2 soal beberapa temen peer group dan nanya apakah gw masih suka konko. Nah barusan gw cek wa dr dia lagi, ternyata dia mau ngundang kami ke nikahannya dia 12 Januari.

waw..

i mean.. wow, my friends are getting married. Veli nikah bulan November. Citra Sinergi Muda nikah Desember. Dan si She2 bkl nikah Januari 2014. Hmm hmm..

Gw berasa ganjil aja. Di umur 24 aja temen2 pd nikah. Sampe gw berumur 30 thn juga feeling gw mmakin byk temen yg nikah. Hmm.. berasa bakal left out aja sih.

I really like the wedding celebration. But the concept of marriage scared the shit out of me. Aaah..blm siap. Blm mau. Blm ini itu. Ntah gw nya yg masih terlalu parno utk berkomitmen sedemikian rupa atau emang gwnya aja yg terlalu menjunjung tinggi konsep pernikahan. But either way, gw sempet membahas hal ini sama rain. Pas kmrn ke Veli, kayaknya dia melihat gw auper excited dan senang, berada di celebration of love model begitu. Dia cuma nanya, "mau ya?" Dan gw kayaknya cm mesyem2 aja. Bingung juga.. the wedding is awesome, not sure if i want the marriage.

Hmm.. balik lagi.. ya jadinya gw harus bersiap sih menghadiri resepsi pernikahan dan mupeng2 ga jelas gitu. We'll see how it goes.. siapa tau mendadak gw pgn nikah, atau gw memutuskan utk gak nikah sama sekali. Huhu..

-ga bs tidur krn br kelar event-

That one person on every film festival

Tadi pagi di jalan gw mikir. Setiap film festival ada suka dukanya. Dan kadang dukanya overwhelming banget sampai-sampai bikin lo eneq dan males kerja. Tapi kenapa gw bisa bertahan ya?
Lalu gw pun mencari2 alasan sampai gw menemukan fakta bahwa ada seseorang di sana yang bikin gw tetep tahan bahkan meningkatkan kinerja gw. Alasannya simple, I just dont want to let you down.

Di Q!FF awal ada John, lalu Hally, lalu diakhir2 adalah Rain.
Di EoS ada Orlow dan Mbak Meli, istrinya.
Di Erasmusindocs ada Mbak Lulus yang super baik.

Terlepas dari film festival, ada beberapa event lagi tapi gw ga menyebutkan segelintir orang-orang seperti diatas karena memang sense of belongingnya sudah cukup kuat. Sinergi Muda/Indonesian Youth Converence. I dont stay at IYC just because of Alanda, Adam, Citra, Ribiw atau teman-teman lainnya. Melainkan karena gw ngerasa IYC merupakan bayi gw yang gw urus dari kecil.

Well that's interesting aja sih. Memang perlu "ORANG yg bikin semangat" sih ya. Kalau ngga, kayaknya kurang GASPOL aja gitu kinerja gw.

Ah, life is good. So far.

Christopher, Student of The Year

Vincent, Chris, Val and Monic (Val's Day 2013)

This story is about Christopher, my youngest student. At first, I only taught his older siblings, Vincent and Monic at their apartment. Tante Rina, their mom, asked me to teach Chris also. I think it was 3 years ago, the 1st time I taught him. But sadly, he skipped 1 year for cancer treatment in Singapore. And last year (2012), he came back to Indonesia. Yay! 

It was freaking sad when I heard the news, he had cancer at such young age. I didn't knew if it's genetic. Soalnya Shila, yg ngenalin gw ke Tante Rina (masih saudara sama Shila juga), juga pernah operasi kista pas tahun 2011 atau 2012 (sebelum dia ke Kanada). Anyway, back to Chris. Di awal les (sebelum dia ke SG), dia kurang begitu antusias dan ga PEDE gitu kalau ngobrol pake bahasa Inggris. Banyak "I don't know" dan "ga tau". Beberapa hal yang berkesan saat periode ini adalah kami sama-sama suka SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS. He collected the cards and I asked him to buy some for me. He got it from his school (SD Tarakanita Tendean). Ga lama les. dia musti ke SG untuk cemo dan treatment. Tapi gw seneng banget pas dia udah balik ke Jakarta di thn 2012. Oh iyaaaa, dia pernah bawain gw Ritter Sport paling enakkkkkkk pas dia balik. Coklatnya segede2 gaban gini. Wajib beli ini sih tiap kali ke SG atau Malaysia. 

SUPER YUMMY!

Masih perlu PDKT lagi (toh yg diawal juga belum begitu dekat) dan makin lama dia makin keliatan progressnya. Gw menetapkan sistem reward sih. Kalau dia ngerjain exercise dari gw atau menyelesaikan tugas-tugas bahasa Inggrisnya, kami biasanya main kartu (dari monopoly card, picturica, UNO, pet war dan game of life). Gw berusaha untuk memancing dia untuk ngomong bahasa Inggris dari permainan2 tersebut. And it worked!

Setelah beberapa bulan, dia mulai keliatan semangat les. Dia mau ngerjain tugas. Dia mau mencoba untuk menjelaskan atau bercerita ke gw pakai bahasa Inggris walaupun kadang dicampur bahasa Indonesia. That was totally fine because at least he tried his best. Abis dia balik, gw banyak nanya ke dia seperti makanan kesukaannya (yg mana yg boleh, yg mana yg ga boleh), mobil apa yg lagi dia suka, gimana perasaannya dia balik sekolah, dst. Buat gw, membina relasi sama murid itu menyenangkan. Gw pun bikin perayaan Val's day kecil-kecilan sebelum gw 3 minggu menghilang di Jawa Timur. Lucu deh, kami tukeran coklat gitu. 

And.... I GOT THESE FOR MY VAL'S DAY =D

Beberapa hal yang gw inget banget dari Chris:

1. Setelah dari SG, dia mengulang kelas 4. Pas ulangan, dia dapet nilai kurang baik. Gw cek item2 dari kertas ujiannya. Wajar sih, mungkin dia masih beradaptasi dengan mata pelajaran di sekolah karena istirahat 1 thn. Oh iya, salah satu kalimat yg gw inget adalah:
WHAT DOES CHERRYBELL DO? THEY ___________ .
Chris ga menjawab pertanyaan ini. Pas gw tanya kenapa, dia bilang "Because I don't know (what Cherrybell is)" :)

2. Dia ga gampang nyerah. Walaupun berkali-kali bilang, "Aaah, udah ya" tapi setelah gw blg "Let's do this exercise then we can play pet war" lalu dia berhasil mengerjakan 100 soal. Dia pun juga ga percaya bisa mengerjakan soal sebanyak itu.

3. Chris suka menjawab pertanyaan secara berurutan. Gw sering bilang "do the easy ones first". Di saat mengerjakan, dulu dia suka ga PD sama jawabannya. Tapi minggu lalu dia bilang "I'll do it first" lalu langsung ngerjain, ga pake nanya setiap kali dia nulis jawaban.

4. He liked wordsearch =D

5. Beberapa minggu yang lalu, pas gw dateng, dia langsung nyodorin kertas ulangannya. Seminggu sebelumnya dia yakin bakal dapet 80 untuk ulangannya. Turned out he got the perfect score. Itu kertas ujian langsung gw photo karena gw bangga banget sama dia.

6. Gw sempet nanya soal teman sebangkunya. Out of nowhere banget, kami bisa ngomongin hal ini. Lalu dia bilang bahwa dia duduk sendirian (mejanya untuk 2 murid). Alasannya karena dia ga suka dicontekin sama teman sebelahnya yang terdahulu sehingga dia request ke gurunya untuk diijinkan duduk sendirian. I know he was a smart kid :)

7. Chris punya banyak mainan. Dari mobil-mobilan, iPad sampai animal speaker (bentuk monyet yg dijual di Informa itu lho) gw sirik banget sama Chris karena speakernya soalnya lucu.

8. Jumat, 20 Sept (les terakhir kami) dia berhasil mendapatkan PIA DORAEMON karena menang Pet War II sebagai runner up. He was so happy.

9. Kamis , 26 Sept, gw udah nyiapin 3 folder sehingga mereka bisa menyimpan kertas-kertas les dengan rapi. Khusus untuk Chris, gw beli 1 map bening untuk persiapan main boardgames ala2 ular tangga tapi berhubungan dengan tenses. Gw udah siapin token-token spongebob dan dadu agar kami bisa main. I was so ready. Minggu sebelumnya dia sudah liat boardgames ini dan dia kepengen banget main. Tapi untuk mainin game ini, dia perlu latihan dulu tenses2nya. Gw udah janji sama dia, minggu selanjutnya, dia boleh main ini.

Terakhir gw melihat dia, dia tertidur dengan tenang. Wajahnya damai dan dia pun tersenyum. Pas ketemu Tante Rina, Papanya Chris dan Monic, mereka ga nangis di depan gw. Mereka menjelaskan bahwa Chris kena leukimia (kanker yang ga related sama kanker sarafnya thn lalu).

He just passed away on 25 Sept 2013. Just one day before our Thursday lesson.

Disappointed

I wish nothing but the best...for youuuuuuuuu..

*save as draft* #UNPUBLISHED

Beautifully Broken

In 2006, I was introduced to her. She was very beautiful and charming. I fell for the 1st time. A week later, I went to the party just to see her. Maybe it was my 1st party, I was pretty shy and didn't know what to do nor how to dance. I just looked at her, dancing gracefully with her partners. She swayed, laughed, kissed and smiled. Too bad I didn't impress her at that time, but she was the best thing in 2006. I hoped I could meet her again next year.

In 2007, she was on my mind and I visited her. She was very calm. I wished to see her again but I didn't have any time. I was caught up in my personal life hence I didn't really focus on her. Another hope to see her again next year.

In 2008, I looked for any chance to be near her and there was this opportunity. She accepted me. Maybe she recognized me from earlier events or maybe my CV was very impressive. I wasn't sure. The only thing I feel was I was very glad. At least, I had more chance to feel her presence longer and just be there when she needed me. I maybe not her best assistant because I wasn't significant to her. But at the end, she smiled at me and I knew I was in love. I really wished I can be her assistant next year, to get a closer look at her beautiful smile.

In 2009, I was her assistant again. A year of waiting. I did the same thing. But this time, the feeling went beyond my expectation. She rubbed my back and whisper, "You're my best assistant." And I felt very proud of myself. I did a great job and she noticed it. Please, I want more than this.

In 2010, two of her partners asked me to meet her personally. I went on a date with her and she decided that we could be more than friends. She wanted me as her partner as much as I wanted her. I knew she was with several people (who were also her partners) but I didn't care, I was very grateful. Every moment I spent with her, I felt safe and warm. I loved her more than ever. Although there was an incident where she was attacked because her behavior wasn't accepted by society, I stayed by her side. We finally survived. I learnt so many things from her. Love and friendship. Well, what I can say, she brought up the best in me. At the end of our celebration of love, I cried because I knew that this feeling was real. I was too in love and I would protect her. The hope of seeing her next year was gone since I stayed with her, always kept her close to me.

In 2011, we were doing great until I found out she had cancer. One of her long term partner left her in a bad condition. I had to take control therefore I spend more time taking care of her. With more responsibility, I felt overwhelmed but I loved her too much, I pushed myself to make her happy and healthier. I ran out of energy. Several times I thought about giving up but I couldn't left her in her condition at that time. She needed my support. She changed. She didn't smile the way that she did. She was broken. Beautifully broken. At the end of the year, I knew I had to give up on her. I was too tired and exhausted taking care of her.

In 2012, she called me, wanting me back. I missed her voice. She was still funny, though. I asked her how she was at that moment. She was in a bad condition and really needed me. I refused at 1st but somehow she managed to make it work. She promised not to nag much this time. I felt pity for her. I agreed to stay with her. In the mean time, I moved on slowly. She was no longer attractive. She was a burden for me and I felt like I sacrificed too much for her. She was no longer worth it. At the end of our meeting, I broke her heart, telling her that I couldn't continue this relationship any longer. She looked devastated but I needed to separate from her.

In 2013, I rarely saw her. Maybe I avoided her in a way she should understand. She was weak. It was sad to see her smiling at me whenever she got a chance. We both knew that we couldn't be together but she hoped I could be in her life. The last thing I heard from her was she got HIV from her other partner. She didn't see it coming. I was devastated to hear that news. I wondered why her partners didn't protect her, knowing that she was very fragile. At the same time, I was grateful because I left her when her condition wasn't that bad. All I could think of were our sweet and happy memories. I pray for her so she can get better. I hope she can survive for at least 3 years from now. I'm sorry, Love, I cannot be there for you this year.