Just read the post = )

Setelah gw baca post ini di 9gag.com, gw langsung terdiam gitu. Pernah gak sih terpikir kalau sudah kerja dengan gaji yg gede, pengen rasanya beli semua barang di dunia? Pengen ini itu dan segala barang yang sebenernya gak butuh-butuh amat. Gw pun pernah berpikir seperti itu. Rasanya klo udah kerja, gw pengen banget punya credit card (perkara pengen ngegesek BCA card untuk beli minuman di stabucks) tp liat pengalaman nyokap gw yg kecekek sama bunga credit card. It aint easy for her to survive tho. She already blocked all of her credit card because she knew she cant handle having one.

Intinya sih, use money wisely. *tertegun* mungkin memang terdengar simple dan mudah, tp dalam kehidupan nyatanya, amat susah untuk melakukan itu. Percayalah, giliran gw udah ada duit, kayaknya tu uang ngalir aja kayak air. Tiba2 baru gajian 2 hari, udah lenyap ntah kmn. Hmm, april gw udah mulai kerja, hopefully gw akan terus nabung scara paksa di celengan gentong (tau kan? yg ada di pasar itu) soalnya gw tau bgt, klo naro di BCA pasti bkl abis.

= ) well, post ini pastinya buat ngingetin gw aja sih klo udah punya gaji sendiri, jgn lupa daratan. Adik gw toh masih perlu biaya u/ kuliah. Kalau gitar bass-nya ada 100 biji di rumah mungkin dia bisa ngebiayain kuliahnya sampe lulus (unfortunately, he just sold his guitar for down payment Purwadhika Nusantara) ah well.. gotta save my money for my next goal, go on holiday with le wild bear..

Because....

FUCK YOU, THAT'S WHY

Y U SUCH A RETARD? 

Drama before Vacation

Dear readers,

recently I've heard pointless and endless drama of two of my besties. I do adore them and they are so kind to me. But sometimes I cant stand the drama. Insecurity, fear, love-in-doubt, trust issue, miscommunication, and so on. You name it, they experience all.

Jadi kedua teman gw ini tggl 12 feb nanti mau liburan, oh iya, mereka LDR, did i mention? mgkin itu yg bkin segalanya jadi ribet. Anw, liburan kali ini bombastis krn mereka bakal liburan di Spore lanjut ke Bali. Karena mereka kmrnan putus, jadi ceritanya ni trip jd GAGALicious trip. I was like "gilak,sayang kali 6 juta lo abis gitu aja?" dan ke pacarnya "gilak! lo udah nabung, kerja banting tulang (jempol) dan ngangengong, MASA GAK JADI?" Gw sangat menyayangkan keputusan mereka untuk putus. Gw cuma bisa hope for the best. Gw berharap mereka balikan lg sih. Kalau emang maksa dicocok2in (maksa berjodoh) yaudah deh, minimal baikan sampe trip kelar. (bukannya make up sex biasanya SUPER AWESOME ya?) anw, akhirnya mereka balikan lagi setelah 2-3 hari ngegalau.

Mana sih emot DAFUQ?-nya Jackie Chan?

Gw cuma ga abis pikir aja. WALAUPUN seharusnya gw lbh tau karena gw pun 4,5 tahun menjalani hubungan yg 11 12 kayak mereka (cuma ga ada trust issue, tp rempong ketemuan, yg 1 discreet, yg satu giving too much and unconsciously asking for return). ANW, gw ga abis pikir. Apa ya rasanya udah PUTUS FIXED PUTUS GAK MAU BALIKAN LAGI terus akhirnya balikan? itu kayak mungut relasi dari tempat pembuangan akhir terus dipajang di kamar lg ga sih? Gw cuma nanya aja sih. I mean, relasinya ADA tp memang BAU SEMERBAK dari sisa2 ANGER dan CACI MAKI itu bikin ga nyaman di kamar ya? #menghelanafas Sekali lagi, gw cuma bertanya2, why people do that?

Ada lagi, mantan HTS-annya pacar gw katanya mau nikah ma cowonya yg abusive. Setelah analisis pendek, kayaknya si cewe memang pgn nikah sblm kepala 3. I said to my gf, it was her choice but my gf had difficulties to let go. Kayak gak rela "knp masih mau aja sih?" lalu gw jd kepikiran ma 2 teman baik gw ini. Tau sih its their decision, bahkan salah satu dari mereka pun tau dia sedang berada di lubang yg sama. Dya bilang itu konsekuensi yg harus dya tanggung. Alasannya "abis masih sayang" oke, gw mengerti. Cuma ada apa dibalik rasa sayang itu? Y U NO LOVE URSELF?

1. takut ga nemu yg sebaik pasangan

2. takut jomblo seumur idup (oh com'on, forever alone is a friggin MYTH)

3. pasangannya adalah comfort zone

4. males PDKT and start all over again (make sense sih yg ini)

apapun hasil analisis nan kepo gw, gw masih berpikir WHYYYY? Do u still love him? Do u love him just to make u feel good about urself? (bingung kan eyke jdnya)

again, as a good friend, I hear all of ur pointless drama. Giving my shoulders and ears. I do want the best for them. I want to "the amount of fuck given that day is COMPLETELY ZERO" cuma ga bisa. mereka sahabat2 baik gw. Fiuh.

Mungkin kalau udah 4,5 tahun, baru bisa mengambil keputusan yg lebih clear. (bukan omongan guve)

Relationship Obits

I just bought this awesome book.. Aksara lagi clearance sale book, langsung meluncur kesana dan dapet buku keren ini.

Buku ini menceritakan bagaimana kontributor melewati break upnya dengan cara menuliskan obits. Penulis, Kathleen Horan, menyatakan bahwa proses break-up mirip dengan 5 stages of griev-nya Kubler-Ross (yg terkenal itu lohh, yang dipelajarin di psikologi itu lohhh, yang jadi landasan teorinya rebeka pinaima itu lohhh.. -enuf,Val)

Gw kutip satu cerita yg JLEB banget ya.

Cause of Death: Cowardice

Brett and Camille

Born: March 6, 2007

Death : July 31, 2008

Camille (african-american girl) pacaran sama Brett. Bokapnya Brett gak setuju pacaran interracial dan akhirnya mereka pacaran backstreet gitu.

"Brett talked on the phone with his parents on one of their dates. Brett's father asked him what he was doing that evening, and he replied "nothing". The word pierced through Camille's heart and formed a tiny hole. For the first time in her life, she FELT nothing, like something that shouldn't be seen or heard or acknowledged."

Camille mencoba untuk mengerti keadaan Brett dan bokapnya yg narrow-minded tapi akhirnya dia berhasil keluar dari relasi itu. LIKE A BOSS.

Hmm, got me thinking. Should I make one too? Dengan menuliskan obit ini, mgkin gw bisa menjadi pribadi yang lebih sehat dan basically, pengen venting aja sih #meh

Cause of Death :

Cowardice, Denial and Mutual Exhaustion

Val and Koala

Birth : March 13, 2007

Death: September 30, 2011

Awal perkenalan kami amat sangat random. I knew her from a friend of my girlfriend at that moment. It was awkward, I was a newbie in this lesbo kingdom and so was she. I got to know her, broke up with my girlfriend to be with her, asked her to be my gf 4 times before she said yes, a month later we broke up because of God. Oh yeah, did I mention about her Catholic guilt? She is and she felt wrong about our relationship until I broke up with her for the last time (when relationship is already dead)

She said she's not a lesbian, I respect that. I didnt force her to become one (why would I do that?) Oh maybe so she can accepted me as a lesbian. Me, her girlfriend (?) The IRONY. Anw, it was an on and off relationship. Broke up because of God and her guilt was a regular excuse. Oh iya, gw blom mention Cicinya ya? She read our journal.. Isinya ya cuma emotional stuff like our feelings tapi dari situ gw udah mencium homophobia yg kuat. #merinding

Seringkali gw berasa kayak pacaran sama Cicinya karena gw musti ngikutin jadwal Cicinya. Gw sadar bahwa menjalin relasi dengan pacar berarti juga berelasi dengan keluarganya. Im okay with her mom but not with her sister. Gw pun udah usaha untuk ngedeketin tp ketakutan Koala membuat gw jaga jarak sama si Cici. I did love Koala so Im voluntarily okay not being acknowledged. Tapi keinginan gw untuk bisa mengekspresikan rasa sayang gw terlalu besar sehingga kami mulai ribut karena hal-hal sepele yang sebenernya cuma perkara prinsip (anjrit, itu gede yeh). She couldnt accept me being a lesbian (?) sama aja gak sih kayak diskriminasi berdasarkan ras? Dan itu dari orang yang pacaran sama perempuan. Aneh tapi nyata. She couldnt stand up for herself in front of her sister and she didnt defend me. She said she was selfish, but i was blinded. I loved her too much, I was okay being treated like second option. She didnt know what to do with our future. Her fave words is "jalanin aja".

But i stood up for myself and my dignity. I broke up with her that night during meeting via BBM and met her a few days after that to end this so-called-relationship. It was nice and fun until I lost the real me. I ignored my needs, my potential and my conscience. I am happier now.

There are no survivors. Her sister can have her now.

-------

Hmm.. it wasnt that hard.. Probably I vented too much on this blog.

I moved on, so did she. Its a process and I'm glad we moved on, knowing that this relationship wouldnt work.. It takes two to tango, dear.

Saat ini, walaupun pacar gw juga blm come out ke ortunya. Minimal gw udah sering kesana dan dia slalu bilang kalau dia jalan ma gw. Gw udah kenal sama adiknya yang namanya OKE benggedddd dan hobby ngedownload film (more modern family, mbulee?) He is cool about her sister and me. Amat sangat menyenangkan deh berada di tengah-tengah keluarganya. Gw nyaman dan merasa tidak perlu meragukan eksistensi gw lg. #Smiling

Happiness is your own business. I was stupid thinking that if she was happy, I would be happy too. It doesnt work that way, sister..

#NowPlaying Brand New Chick-Anjulie

S.Psi

Yaaaa...

akhirnya gw LULUS juga..

setelah menanti 4 jam di kampus, tanpa laptop, serta rangkuman Kepribadian apa adanya.. gw disidang sama Bu Lidia dan Bu Nani ditemani Mas Danny. OMGGGGG, gw udah mau mati tuh pas presentasi (gak lebayyyy, asli gw takut banget, inget gak gw lbh milih jatoh dari motor daripada musti sidang?)

tapi akhirnya semua itu terbayarkan ketika Bu Nani ngomong ala2 ANTM:

"Tetapi kerja kerasmu membuatmu dapat dinyatakan lulus"

gw langsung nangis.. keluarin sapu tangan Powerpuff Girls dari pacar dan apus air mata. Bu Lidia cuma komen "lah? gak lulus nangis, lulus nangis. Gimana toh?" gw cuma bisa nangis terharu dan berasa kayak abis Indonesian Youth Conference gitu. I NAILED IT!

Semua begadang2 gw, tangisan di depan laptop, usaha cari partisipan, ngedit, menghemat kata dan segala ngangengong yang berkaitan dengan skripsi TERBAYAR SUDAH. fufufu, mungkin gw akan nangis lagi ketika wisuda (woy make up lunturrr) gak peduli, yang penting keluar dari liang atma jaya... (nah skrg PR kan gw mst ganti bio blog gw) wkwkwk..

Koordinator Research and Development KOMPSI bbm gw:

Possunt quia posse videntur!

Those who beliebe they can do it, they can!

Jangan menyerah yaaa yg belum dapet gelar..

#StillFeelingLikeARockstar

Valentine Merrita Sari, S.Psi

this is it

bukannn, bukan farah quinn..

hari ini gw sidang..

at this point, setelah gw galau smlman, ga bisa tidur, lalu berhasil tidur n mimpiin random stuff, i just wanna say..

screw it.. i'm gonna do my best, break some legs.

u know, its better to fall from motorbike than go thru this emotional roller-coaster of anxiety and fear..

Wake up and smell the obvious

I don't feel so good. I took med just to get some sleep. Kemarin gw batuk2 udah kayak pak tani gitu. Meh.. And it was soooo hard to get up. Akhirnya gw memaksa bangun dari tempat tidur dengan lagu posesif nya Naif. Bangke, mistis banget sih tuh lagu.. hiyhhh, klo gw depresi, mgkin gw akan langsung sayat2.. Adele level Indonesian gitu.

But i did feel better after listening to You Make Me Feel and Brand New Chick. Anw, out of nowhere gitu, semalem gw mimpi ke gereja di tempat yang rada berbahaya. Itu greja slash Q!FF apa gmn ya, secara banyak anak Q! dan gw inget gw voluntary said I wanted to be an Sunday School teacher. YEAKELI.. Makanya gw merasa mimpi ini agak absurd sih. Mana ada adegan cewe loncat ke lift gitu. Gw kira dya kayak mau suicide gitu, taunya liftnya lg naik, jadinya dya ga metong deh. Malah gelayutan di tali liftnya plus berhasil slamat. FIXED ABSURD banget mimpi gw.

Probably krn gw smlman nangis.. biasa, emotionally unstable. Lebih tepatnya "you don't give me enough as I expected" gitu emotionally. Di satu sisi gw tau gw emang bisa nagging needy bitch (kayak jiwa gw yg ini dibangunin lg setelah mati suri 4,5 tahun) tp disisi lain gw tau pacar gw pun bingung menghadapi gw klo gw lg needy gitu dan kmrn dya udah cape bener. Makanya gw bawa tidur aja, taunya paginya masih kebawa2. BANGKEEEEEE... ini masalah dari gw-nya sih.. Kesel aja krn gw misbehave. Meh..

intinya hr ini gw galau dari jem 12 malem dan INSYAALLAH setelah curhat ala2 di sini, i will feel better..

Btw gw kepikiran, untungnya gw menerapkan sistem 6 bulan itu, klo ngga, kemungkinan untuk break up pitfalls bisa lebih gede >.<

Fakkkk 4 hari lagi.. 4 hari lagi...