Gw lelah dan udah cape bikin skripsi.
I JUST NEED TO FINISH IT.
DAT'S ALL..
Tiap kali bkin skripsi, bawaannya mual dan pusing2 gitu (mungkin hamil) dan gw udah ENEQ se-ENEQ2nuya UMAT musti ngadepin si skripsi ini. But this is my passion, sejak Juli 2010. Iya, gw selama itu bkin skripsi. Gw procrastinated selama 6 bulan untuk bikin BAB I. Dan selama 2011, gw berdalih dengan alasan Vietnam, IYC dan Q!Film Festival. Dan sekarang semuanya sudah berakhir, gw harus berhadapan sama si skripsi ini. Setelah passion gw metong, baru gw musti ngerjain. Gila gak sih? Gw berasa kayak memaksakan diri untuk turn on di situasi LESBIAN BED DEATH..#lemparvibratorketongsampah
BAIKLAH, this is my passion, I have to finish it. Before my thesis adviser breaks up with me... #Nelongso #RelasiIlusi #TapiGwGakMauKehilanganDia
Btw, these are 2 of my best psy-jokes (masih nyari yg lain, at least to keep me sane)
Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.
Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for a man then for a women?
Because when it's time to go back to childhood, a man is already there.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Friday, October 28, 2011
A Whole New Chapter
Aaaa..... gw senang...
#NowPlaying Penguin - Avicii
Entah kenapa, lagu ini kayak memberikan pengharapan gitu. Beda tipis sama semangat anak muda yang menggebu-gebu. Well I guess this is a good start..
There's something about this girl. I dunno.. i know it wasnt love at 1st sight (meh, i dont believe such thing.. lust at first sight mungkin gw bisa percaya, but love? uuuu... masih butuh proses yang panjang, menurut gw) Balik deh ke bagian kenapa gw sukaaaa banget ma dia. Why do I crave for her? Why do I like her so much?
She is independent. Dia bisa hidup mandiri (kepaksa sih ya kayaknya.hihihi) Well, dia bisa jaga diri dengan baik, terlepas dari umurnya yang memang jauh diatas gw. Mungkin itu salah satu nilai plus juga untuk hubungan ini. Walaupun gw tauuuuuu, gw sadar bahwa umur gak menjamin kedewasaan seseorang, tapi gw udah mengobservasi dia selama beberapa waktu plus in depth interview. Hasilnya? Dia memang lebih dewasa. minimal lebih dewasa dari gw. Gw menemukan kenyamanan ketika gw bisa... apa ya? counting on her? Bukan dependent, cuma gw tau, gw nyaman dan aman sama dia. She took care of me very well when I had the accident. (aaa pengen nangis.. #terharu)
Oh iya, trait dia emang baik sih. BAIK in general. AS IN mostly to anyone. Apapun egoisme psikologi dibalik itu, tapi gw bisa ngeliat dia tulus sih. Altho she can be mean sometimes, gak ke gw, cuma gw rasa itu sih dia bisa membela dirinya sendiri. Asik kan dapet cewe yang gak menye2?
I'm chinese and she's being a jew. Ini sih yang dari awal gw udah dibriefing scara singkat. Hey, what the heck, I like you. Tenang aja, untuk masalah uang, kita bisa ngomongin smuanya kok. And guess what, dia kayak menerima (slash pasrah) kalau gw menjadi aktivis. Ngerti donk aktivis gimana idupnya? Hmm, uang belum menjadi masalah bagi kami saat ini.I work my ass off, so does she. So I guess, we both work really hard, doing what we love without any pressure to get a better job.
\m/ɔ --> this is how I say I love her. She's a non-verbal kinda girl. I had to learn sign language just to express my feeling krn gw pun gugup pas bilang gw sayang dia. LOVE is a strong word. I dont want to abuse it, so does she. hihi, apa dianya yang terlalu non-verbal ya? Dan gwnya yg terlalu ekspresif? You know me.. when it comes to feelings and emotions, I let all out. Gak enak rasanya nyimpen sesuatu di dalam hati? Am I too loud for you?
But the best part is we TALK A LOT. Dari SOP ketemu mantan gimana, kalau mau girls nite out gimana, pas nanti ortunya balik ke indo gimana, rencana kedepannya gimana, ahhh semuanya diomongin sama dia deh. I love honesty. Gak mau deh gw nyembunyiin ngangengong dari pacar, biarin aja dia tau dan kami bisa cari solusinya bareng daripada gw mati karena rasa bersalah atau nyimpen sesuatu sendirian. It sucks, I was the expert of it. I know how it feels to hid things from someone I loved. (menjelaskan gak kenapa gw udah coming out sama nyokap gw?) ahahaha..
Gosh, now I miss her. Beruang pemalas yang super adorable.. hihi.. Can I take you home, put you next to my gigantic panda so I can hug whenever I want? #DilemparPickleSamaMbakNeno
Ah, ga sabar untuk ketemu dia malem ini.. mau nonton 3 musketeers di bioskop kesayangan anda.. hihihi... Grrr, gmn gw gak makin sayang sama bear yang satu ini coba? Dia nonton film sampe castnya habis..she's a real programmer.. I like it ;)
Alrighty, gw tidur dulu, kalau something comes up, gw update lagi relasi slash sitcom slash comrom(enakan romedy gak sih?) #ngasal well, anw, logic does not compute (udah abis dipake skripsi)
PS: I'm writing this post to remind myself how cool she is. If anything should happens, I know where I can find the reference. 16th of Oct 2011.
01101001 00100000 01101100 01101111 01110110 01100101 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101
#NowPlaying Penguin - Avicii
Entah kenapa, lagu ini kayak memberikan pengharapan gitu. Beda tipis sama semangat anak muda yang menggebu-gebu. Well I guess this is a good start..
There's something about this girl. I dunno.. i know it wasnt love at 1st sight (meh, i dont believe such thing.. lust at first sight mungkin gw bisa percaya, but love? uuuu... masih butuh proses yang panjang, menurut gw) Balik deh ke bagian kenapa gw sukaaaa banget ma dia. Why do I crave for her? Why do I like her so much?
She is independent. Dia bisa hidup mandiri (kepaksa sih ya kayaknya.hihihi) Well, dia bisa jaga diri dengan baik, terlepas dari umurnya yang memang jauh diatas gw. Mungkin itu salah satu nilai plus juga untuk hubungan ini. Walaupun gw tauuuuuu, gw sadar bahwa umur gak menjamin kedewasaan seseorang, tapi gw udah mengobservasi dia selama beberapa waktu plus in depth interview. Hasilnya? Dia memang lebih dewasa. minimal lebih dewasa dari gw. Gw menemukan kenyamanan ketika gw bisa... apa ya? counting on her? Bukan dependent, cuma gw tau, gw nyaman dan aman sama dia. She took care of me very well when I had the accident. (aaa pengen nangis.. #terharu)
Oh iya, trait dia emang baik sih. BAIK in general. AS IN mostly to anyone. Apapun egoisme psikologi dibalik itu, tapi gw bisa ngeliat dia tulus sih. Altho she can be mean sometimes, gak ke gw, cuma gw rasa itu sih dia bisa membela dirinya sendiri. Asik kan dapet cewe yang gak menye2?
I'm chinese and she's being a jew. Ini sih yang dari awal gw udah dibriefing scara singkat. Hey, what the heck, I like you. Tenang aja, untuk masalah uang, kita bisa ngomongin smuanya kok. And guess what, dia kayak menerima (slash pasrah) kalau gw menjadi aktivis. Ngerti donk aktivis gimana idupnya? Hmm, uang belum menjadi masalah bagi kami saat ini.I work my ass off, so does she. So I guess, we both work really hard, doing what we love without any pressure to get a better job.
\m/ɔ --> this is how I say I love her. She's a non-verbal kinda girl. I had to learn sign language just to express my feeling krn gw pun gugup pas bilang gw sayang dia. LOVE is a strong word. I dont want to abuse it, so does she. hihi, apa dianya yang terlalu non-verbal ya? Dan gwnya yg terlalu ekspresif? You know me.. when it comes to feelings and emotions, I let all out. Gak enak rasanya nyimpen sesuatu di dalam hati? Am I too loud for you?
But the best part is we TALK A LOT. Dari SOP ketemu mantan gimana, kalau mau girls nite out gimana, pas nanti ortunya balik ke indo gimana, rencana kedepannya gimana, ahhh semuanya diomongin sama dia deh. I love honesty. Gak mau deh gw nyembunyiin ngangengong dari pacar, biarin aja dia tau dan kami bisa cari solusinya bareng daripada gw mati karena rasa bersalah atau nyimpen sesuatu sendirian. It sucks, I was the expert of it. I know how it feels to hid things from someone I loved. (menjelaskan gak kenapa gw udah coming out sama nyokap gw?) ahahaha..
Gosh, now I miss her. Beruang pemalas yang super adorable.. hihi.. Can I take you home, put you next to my gigantic panda so I can hug whenever I want? #DilemparPickleSamaMbakNeno
Ah, ga sabar untuk ketemu dia malem ini.. mau nonton 3 musketeers di bioskop kesayangan anda.. hihihi... Grrr, gmn gw gak makin sayang sama bear yang satu ini coba? Dia nonton film sampe castnya habis..she's a real programmer.. I like it ;)
Alrighty, gw tidur dulu, kalau something comes up, gw update lagi relasi slash sitcom slash comrom(enakan romedy gak sih?) #ngasal well, anw, logic does not compute (udah abis dipake skripsi)
PS: I'm writing this post to remind myself how cool she is. If anything should happens, I know where I can find the reference. 16th of Oct 2011.
01101001 00100000 01101100 01101111 01110110 01100101 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101
Personality Disorder Test
[March 25th , 2009]
Paranoid: Low
Symptoms of Paranoid Personality Disorder:
- Unwillingness to forgive perceived insults
- Excessive sensitivity to setbacks
- Distrustfulness and excessive self-reliance
- Projection of blame onto others
- Consumed by anticipation of betrayal
- Combative and tenacious adherence to personal rights
- Relentlessly suspicious
Schizoid: Low
Symptoms of Schizoid Personality Disorder:
- Weak interpersonal skills
- Difficulty expressing anger, even when provoked
- "Loner" mentality; avoidance of social situations
- Appear to others as remote, aloof, and unengaged
- Low sexual desire
- Unresponsive to praise or criticism
Schizotypal: High
Many believe that schizotypal personality disorder represents mild schizophrenia. The disorder is characterized by odd forms of thinking and perceiving, and individuals with this disorder often seek isolation from others. They sometimes believe to have extra sensory ability or that unrelated events relate to them in some important way. They generally engage in eccentric behavior and have difficulty concentrating for long periods of time. Their speech is often over elaborate and difficult to follow.
Symptoms of Schizotypal Personality Disorder:
- Odd or eccentric mannerisms or appearance
- Superstitious or preoccupied with paranormal phenomena
- Difficult to follow speech patterns
- Feelings of anxiety in social situations
- Suspiciousness and paranoia
- Odd beliefs or magical thinking
- Appears shy, aloof, or withdrawn to others
Antisocial: Moderate
Symptoms of Antisocial Personality Disorder:
- Disregard for the feelings of others
- Impulsive and irresponsible decision-making
- Lack of remorse for harm done to others
- Lying, stealing, other criminal behaviors
- Disregard for the safety of self and others
Borderline: Moderate
Symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder:
- Self-injury or attempted suicide
- Strong feelings of anger, anxiety, or depression that last for several hours
- Impulsive behavior
- Drug or alcohol abuse
- Feelings of low self-worth
- Unstable relationships with friends, family, and boyfriends/girlfriends
Histrionic: High
People with histrionic personality disorder are constant attention seekers. They need to be the center of attention all the time, often interrupting others in order to dominate the conversation. They use grandiose language to discribe everyday events and seek constant praise. They may dress provacatively or exaggerate illnesses in order to gain attention. Histrionics also tend to exaggerate friendships and relationships, believing that everyone loves them. They are often manipulative.
Symptoms of Histrionic Personality Disorder:
- Needs to be the center of attention
- Dresses or acts provocatively
- Rapidly-shifting and shallow emotions
- Exaggerates friendships
- Overly-dramatic, occassionally theatrical speech
- Easily influenced; highly suggestible
Narcissistic: Moderate
Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder:
- Requires excessive praise and admiration
- Takes advantage of others
- Grandiose sense of self-importance
- Lack of empathy
- Lying, to self and others
- Obsessed with fantasies of fame, power, or beauty
Avoidant: High
Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by extreme social anxiety. People with this disorder often feel inadequate, avoid social situations, and seek out jobs with little contact with others. Avoidants are fearful of being rejected and worry about embarassing themselves in front of others. They exaggerate the potential difficulties of new situations to rationalize avoiding them. Often, they will create fantasy worlds to substitute for the real one. Unlike schizoid personality disorder, avoidants yearn for social relations yet feel they are unable to obtain them. They are frequently depressed and have low self-confidence.
Symptoms of Avoidant Personality Disorder:
- Social inhibition; retreating from others in anticipation of rejection
- Preoccupation with being rejected or criticized in social situations
- Fear of embarrassment results in avoidance of new activities
- Poor self-image; feelings of social ineptitude
- Desire for improved social relations
- Appear to others as self-involved and unfriendly
- Creation of elaborate fantasy lives
Dependent: Very High
Dependent personality disorder is characterized by a need to be taken care of. People with this disorder tend to cling to people and fear losing them. They may become suicidal when a break-up is imminent. They tend to let others make important decisions for them and often jump from relationship to relationship. Dependents often remain in abusive relationships. Over-sensitivity to disapproval is common. Dependents often feel helpless and depressed.
Symptoms of Dependent Personality Disorder:
- Difficulty making decisions
- Feelings of helplessness when alone
- Suicidal thoughts upon rejection
- Submissiveness
- Deeply hurt by mild criticism or disapproval
- Unable to meet ordinary demands of life
Obsessive-Compulsive: Low
Symptoms of Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder:
- Need for perfection and excessive discipline
- Preoccupation with orderliness
- Inflexibility
- Lack of generosity
- Hyper-focus on details and rules
- Excessive devotion to work
Sumber: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv
I took the test just now. Just to procrastinate myself >.<Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: Low
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: Low
Antisocial: Moderate
Borderline: Low
Histrionic: High
Narcissistic: High
Avoidant: Low
Dependent: Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive: Low
URL of the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv
URL for more info: http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/index.html
Thursday, October 27, 2011
I broke up with YOU(r Catholic guilt and your sister)
So I finally broke up with my 4,5 year GF. #Phew
Its a big step for me. I was the one who broke up with her. I broke up with this unhealthy relationship. I'm pursuing my happiness by making a huge decision to stop this emotional roller coaster.
Setelah kecelakaan minor yg mengakibatkan kaki dan jari gw baret2 dan penggantian nyaris 1 juta, we didnt talk that much until 1 night before Q!FF Opening Ceremony. Udah kayak boring old couple di film American Beauty. Tanggal 29 Sept 2011 gw lagi rapat dan masih BBM-an ma dia. She said she thought about giving up on me.. giving up on US. Tapi karena gw udah lelah dengan semua itu, sudahlah, gw putusin aja. Dengan kondisi gw masih ngetik risalah meeting, gw berusaha untuk putus senormal mungkin. Bilang deh gw pengecut krn gw mutusin via BBM, tapi gw akhirnya berhasil juga kan putus dari dia?
Hubungan kami udah putus nyambung gak jelas dan gw sudah bener-bener capek me-maintain relasi ini (mostly) sendirian. Kata temen gw, mungkin gw sudah lelah mencintai dia. But what is love anyway? I was not myself. I hid things instead of telling the truth. I didnt function well when we had a fight. Gw muak dengan perilaku ngambeknya dia. DRAMA yang pengen gw lihat pada saat itu hanyalah DVD DRAMA untuk pemutaran di Q!FF (Btw film ini bagus tentang 3 anak teater yang mengekspolrasi seksualitas mereka).
Akhirnya gw putusin malam itu dan hari Senin gw ketemu dia untuk ngebahas putusnya kami tuh kenapa aja sih. Gwnya udah berpikir mateng-mateng untuk lepas dari. Gw udah ngomong "I cannot do this anymore" sampe "I dont want to be in a relationship with you" just to make her realized that it was wayyy too late to fix it. Where was she when I gave her last chance? Where was she when I got that accident? Where was she every Saturday night?
Akhirnya setelah sesi tangis menangis, pelukan terakhir dan gak ada aneh2, gw yakin bahwa gw bisa move on. You know the feeling when you're about to relapse again into shitty relationship? Yes I had that feeling, but I could manage that pretty well. Sudah ya, lupakan janji-janji di bulan Juni.. Lupakan rencana-rencana kedepan yang ternyata memang cuma wacana aja. Dan.. gak perlu mikirin future-nya bakal gimana karena di hubungan yang salah. You're right. Our relationship was wrong. Gw gak bisa menandingi Tuhan dan tentunya kakak kesayanganmu. Now you are hers. #LepasTangan #Fatalis? #YaSudahLah You know, as much as I love my girl's family, bukan berarti gw invisible dan harus pacaran sama schedule kakaknya juga. It was just too much. I cried after she left. I cried for being the "bad guy" but also, for celebrating my freedom. Gw mikir, kenapa gw gak bisa seberani ini dari dulu? I DO DESERVE SOMETHING BETTER THAN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
Itu terbukti sama relasi gw yang sekarang sih. Yuph, gw udah punya pacar. We're dating for 1 week I suppose. Just to make sure it was not CINTA LOKASI (yakali, FTV bener). Tapi dia udah ketemu gw terus dari pertengahan tahun untuk urusan Q! Awalnya gw juga kayak biasa aja sih. Makanya gw pun bersikap apa adanya. Taulah Q! kan isinya banyak cowok2. Gw udah amat sangat nyaman di lingkungan ini sehingga gw menunjukkan perilaku-perilaku extraordinary yang kadang sukses membuat gw terlihat bodoh. I smoke, I swear, I drink then got hammered pretty easily. Untungnya sekarang udah pinter ya minumnya untuk menghindari jackpot (I felt like a rockstar after Q! Party because I didnt get hammered unlike Aga.... #dikeplakpakeDVDPlayer )
Long story short, gw mulai lebih terbuka sama pacar gw yang skrg setelah gw putus dan emang dianya juga tau KODET. Dia bilang, gw gak mau mengusik cewek orang. Hal ini membuat gw ngerasa apa yah... (jeda) dihargai (?). Gw merasa harga diri gw kembali sedikit demi sedikit. Kadang kalau gw lagi ada masalah sama yg terdahulu, gw menerima karena gw merasa gw pantas mendapatkan itu. Bisa dibilang, harga diri gw udah hilang di laut deh. Ekspektasi akan pasangan dititik terendah, kerjaan gw adalah membuat senang pasangan tanpa mengetahui apakah gw senang juga atau tidak. Gosh, I felt stupid. Dan saat ini, gw mencoba untuk menyenangkan diri sendiri.
Oh iya, untuk mengklarifikasi aja, gw putus bukan karena pacar gw yang sekarang. Karena sampe detik ini gw pun belum tahu apakah dia sayang sama gw #DigeplakpakeMacBook . I mean, when I broke up, I didn't know if she likes me too. Jadi kalau setelah gw putus dan dia emang gak tertarik ma gw, gw yang akan nelongso. Tapi gw pun tetap tidak akan balikan ke mantan gw. Gw meminta dia untuk tidak ngehubungi gw selama 6 bulan. Aneh gak sih gw? Gw cuma gak mau ada yang mensabotase perasaan gw sampe dia bener-bener move on dan merasa content.
Now I'm happy. Gw gak perlu faking good, gw gak perlu mengemis-ngemis cinta, gw gak perlu berhadapan dengan perasaan bersalah, gw gak perlu menangis tengah malam dan bertanya-tanya kenapa pasangan ngambek setidaknya tiga kali seminggu, gw gak perlu menjawab "Ya kami akan menikah dengan laki-laki jika ada laki-laki yang menurut kami THE ONE dan pasangan harus siap untuk diputusin" ketika ditanya mau dibawa kemana hubungan lesbian kami, gw gak perlu merasa jomblo setiap malam minggu, gw gak perlu merasa insecure setiap malam cuma karena memikirkan kemungkinan untuk dicintai keesokkan harinya, dan gw gak perlu berdiam diri lalu bergumul sendirian ketika ada masalah dalam relasi.
Pacar gw yang sekarang... (jeda) #Mesem-mesem
Mungkin di postingan lainnya. Ah, senangnya blog gw bisa jadi tempat pembuangan sampah terakhir dan bank data untuk perkara love life gw. Hmm.. jadi pengen baca postingan yang lama-lama deh..
#SapaTauAdaYangBisaBikinNgakakMalem-Malem
Its a big step for me. I was the one who broke up with her. I broke up with this unhealthy relationship. I'm pursuing my happiness by making a huge decision to stop this emotional roller coaster.
Setelah kecelakaan minor yg mengakibatkan kaki dan jari gw baret2 dan penggantian nyaris 1 juta, we didnt talk that much until 1 night before Q!FF Opening Ceremony. Udah kayak boring old couple di film American Beauty. Tanggal 29 Sept 2011 gw lagi rapat dan masih BBM-an ma dia. She said she thought about giving up on me.. giving up on US. Tapi karena gw udah lelah dengan semua itu, sudahlah, gw putusin aja. Dengan kondisi gw masih ngetik risalah meeting, gw berusaha untuk putus senormal mungkin. Bilang deh gw pengecut krn gw mutusin via BBM, tapi gw akhirnya berhasil juga kan putus dari dia?
Hubungan kami udah putus nyambung gak jelas dan gw sudah bener-bener capek me-maintain relasi ini (mostly) sendirian. Kata temen gw, mungkin gw sudah lelah mencintai dia. But what is love anyway? I was not myself. I hid things instead of telling the truth. I didnt function well when we had a fight. Gw muak dengan perilaku ngambeknya dia. DRAMA yang pengen gw lihat pada saat itu hanyalah DVD DRAMA untuk pemutaran di Q!FF (Btw film ini bagus tentang 3 anak teater yang mengekspolrasi seksualitas mereka).
Akhirnya gw putusin malam itu dan hari Senin gw ketemu dia untuk ngebahas putusnya kami tuh kenapa aja sih. Gwnya udah berpikir mateng-mateng untuk lepas dari. Gw udah ngomong "I cannot do this anymore" sampe "I dont want to be in a relationship with you" just to make her realized that it was wayyy too late to fix it. Where was she when I gave her last chance? Where was she when I got that accident? Where was she every Saturday night?
Akhirnya setelah sesi tangis menangis, pelukan terakhir dan gak ada aneh2, gw yakin bahwa gw bisa move on. You know the feeling when you're about to relapse again into shitty relationship? Yes I had that feeling, but I could manage that pretty well. Sudah ya, lupakan janji-janji di bulan Juni.. Lupakan rencana-rencana kedepan yang ternyata memang cuma wacana aja. Dan.. gak perlu mikirin future-nya bakal gimana karena di hubungan yang salah. You're right. Our relationship was wrong. Gw gak bisa menandingi Tuhan dan tentunya kakak kesayanganmu. Now you are hers. #LepasTangan #Fatalis? #YaSudahLah You know, as much as I love my girl's family, bukan berarti gw invisible dan harus pacaran sama schedule kakaknya juga. It was just too much. I cried after she left. I cried for being the "bad guy" but also, for celebrating my freedom. Gw mikir, kenapa gw gak bisa seberani ini dari dulu? I DO DESERVE SOMETHING BETTER THAN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
Itu terbukti sama relasi gw yang sekarang sih. Yuph, gw udah punya pacar. We're dating for 1 week I suppose. Just to make sure it was not CINTA LOKASI (yakali, FTV bener). Tapi dia udah ketemu gw terus dari pertengahan tahun untuk urusan Q! Awalnya gw juga kayak biasa aja sih. Makanya gw pun bersikap apa adanya. Taulah Q! kan isinya banyak cowok2. Gw udah amat sangat nyaman di lingkungan ini sehingga gw menunjukkan perilaku-perilaku extraordinary yang kadang sukses membuat gw terlihat bodoh. I smoke, I swear, I drink then got hammered pretty easily. Untungnya sekarang udah pinter ya minumnya untuk menghindari jackpot (I felt like a rockstar after Q! Party because I didnt get hammered unlike Aga.... #dikeplakpakeDVDPlayer )
Long story short, gw mulai lebih terbuka sama pacar gw yang skrg setelah gw putus dan emang dianya juga tau KODET. Dia bilang, gw gak mau mengusik cewek orang. Hal ini membuat gw ngerasa apa yah... (jeda) dihargai (?). Gw merasa harga diri gw kembali sedikit demi sedikit. Kadang kalau gw lagi ada masalah sama yg terdahulu, gw menerima karena gw merasa gw pantas mendapatkan itu. Bisa dibilang, harga diri gw udah hilang di laut deh. Ekspektasi akan pasangan dititik terendah, kerjaan gw adalah membuat senang pasangan tanpa mengetahui apakah gw senang juga atau tidak. Gosh, I felt stupid. Dan saat ini, gw mencoba untuk menyenangkan diri sendiri.
Oh iya, untuk mengklarifikasi aja, gw putus bukan karena pacar gw yang sekarang. Karena sampe detik ini gw pun belum tahu apakah dia sayang sama gw #DigeplakpakeMacBook . I mean, when I broke up, I didn't know if she likes me too. Jadi kalau setelah gw putus dan dia emang gak tertarik ma gw, gw yang akan nelongso. Tapi gw pun tetap tidak akan balikan ke mantan gw. Gw meminta dia untuk tidak ngehubungi gw selama 6 bulan. Aneh gak sih gw? Gw cuma gak mau ada yang mensabotase perasaan gw sampe dia bener-bener move on dan merasa content.
Now I'm happy. Gw gak perlu faking good, gw gak perlu mengemis-ngemis cinta, gw gak perlu berhadapan dengan perasaan bersalah, gw gak perlu menangis tengah malam dan bertanya-tanya kenapa pasangan ngambek setidaknya tiga kali seminggu, gw gak perlu menjawab "Ya kami akan menikah dengan laki-laki jika ada laki-laki yang menurut kami THE ONE dan pasangan harus siap untuk diputusin" ketika ditanya mau dibawa kemana hubungan lesbian kami, gw gak perlu merasa jomblo setiap malam minggu, gw gak perlu merasa insecure setiap malam cuma karena memikirkan kemungkinan untuk dicintai keesokkan harinya, dan gw gak perlu berdiam diri lalu bergumul sendirian ketika ada masalah dalam relasi.
Pacar gw yang sekarang... (jeda) #Mesem-mesem
Mungkin di postingan lainnya. Ah, senangnya blog gw bisa jadi tempat pembuangan sampah terakhir dan bank data untuk perkara love life gw. Hmm.. jadi pengen baca postingan yang lama-lama deh..
#SapaTauAdaYangBisaBikinNgakakMalem-Malem
Monday, July 18, 2011
Spider Lilies
Have u seen it?
Its about a girl's first love..She fell for her neighbor who is also a girl.
*end chat*
Gw mikir ini bkl jadi tipikal lesbian film yg berakhir drama, mati atau nikah ma cowok. (well, havent seen the ending yet, looking fwd to) cuma pas ditengah-tengah musti gw PAUSE krn gw terlalu me-relate hubungan gw ke dalam film ini.. (ujung2nya jadi wece2 drama gitu yg sdikit2 nangis)
Oh iya, pemeran lesbiannya ada 2 kan ya.. Si Rainie Yang, yg main di Meteor Garden jadi temen baiknya San Chai yang anak baik2. Terus sama yg satu lagi adalah Isabella Leong (hmm, gw ga tau dia main dimana aja, tp she's hot dan di film itu, dya mirip gt ma si pacar, rambut pendek dan kacamataan)
BOLEH BUNUH SAYA aja GAK SEKARANG?
Sex scenenya menarik banget. U cannot see anything but it was BEAUTIFUL = D
Udah kelar jadi wece2 drama, skarang lanjut jadi wece2 kerja double shift... fuf..
Friday, February 25, 2011
Sabtu Galau di 7-11 Menteng
*menghela nafas*
BOKKKKK, gak lucu kan ya gw nangis di 711 menteng..ditemenin ABABIL gak jelas.. [oke DROP]
mata gw yg sembab baru aja membaik..udah gak sesembab pas br bgn tadi.. Gilaaa, smlm nangis kejer.. gara2 eyke disudahi.. Gimana ya ngomongnya? diputusin ngga.. digantungin lebih tepatnya..
WHAT IS A BREAK TO U?
buat gw itu, BREAK masa2 transisi ke putus.. kayak masa percobaan buat TRIAL PUTUS beneran.,. itu dari segi si pesimis...tp si optimis akan bilang "ini masa2 dimana kita bisa introspeksi diri sendiri dan mencoba mencari apa yg kita mau" dan si TETOT akan bilang "Yah, gw mau kayak pacaran ma dya tp gak mau ngambek2 dan dramanya.." (-__-") orang idiot juga mau pacaran gak pake ngambek dan drama.. YA KALEEEE gw cari pacar bwt BREAK ketimbang bwt pacarannya..
Gw kmrn kan lg agak sinis2nya tuh ye soal cinta.. temen gw, Becky, bikin skripsi soal grief over break up gt..salah satu penjelasannya dya itu ada 1 kalimat : MANFAAT PACARAN. SPontan gw langsung tanya, "emang manfaat pcaran apaan beck?" gw KEPO SE-KEPO-KEPOnya banci KEPO.. please tell me... apa esensi berpacaran.. the way i see every couple, kayaknya DRAMAAAAAAAAAAAAA mulu.. GILA KALI YAK, klo gw gak mau drama, pacaran aja sama diri sendiri..kemungkinan drama-nya lebih kecil..walaupun gw gak tau sih apakah gw akan available untuk diri gw sendiri atau tidak.. kadang gw ngerasa kangen aja gitu..udah lama ga menyayangi diri sendiri.. terlalu sibuk menyayangkan orang lain..tp kadang emang hasilnya kurang maksimal.. LIKE A G6 [anjrit gw random parah]
As I was saying, dengan segala drama yg ada.. gw tetep mau memperbaiki hubungan ini.. tp klo memang dya-nya ga mau.. FIXED nelongso donk gw.. gw keknya ketularan Miss SOMALIA nih yg pasrah dan nerimo, @ngephotii .. Tulisan gw makin random, if ure kind enuf, boleh gw di analisa.. klo lebih baik lg, temenin gw ke konseling krn gw ga brani.. kadang emg suka tolol gw, cerita di blog yg bs smua org liat brani, crita sama 1 org yg bisa dipercaya gw masih TAKUT ampe skrg.. pffft...
(ditulis tanggal 25 Februari 2011..fixed pas galau)
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
random..you dont wanna know
Udah lama banget ga update blog.. ampe ditegur sama @POSH_DEN wkwkwkw..
life's been absurd deh dari awal februari. God knows why.. Gw ngerasa kerjaan gw oke, skirpsi gw berjalan walaupun perlahan-lahan, dan love life gw juga, hmm, M'KAY? [ala guru BK di south park, mkay?] everything is fine.. which is not fine.. karena gw merasa WAS-WAS..ngeri sih klo mendadak ada major life event kayak "adek gw bundir di kamar pake IDE GW"
iya tuh, soal smlm, gw kmrn sempet parno slash kesel ma adek gw yg ngunci diri di kamar dari jem 9 mlm..gw gedor2 pintu tapi ga ada suara sama skali.. "IHHHHH LO MAU BUNDIR CARI IDE SENDIRIIIII.. dont steal mine" parno donk gw. Gw share lah keparnoan gw sama si mama.. dan dya kayaknya santai2 aja jawabnya "yah minimal gak usah bayar uang sekolah lg" hmm, oh well.. kematian kayaknya bukan sesuatu yg ditakutkan di keluarga gw.
Gw orangnya mudah puas. Ketika achievement level gw masih bisa dioptimalkan, gw buru2 seneng dan puas. *mengehela nafas*
BOSEN KAN YA GW CRITA SOAL LOVE LIFE GUWEEEEE???
*fast forward sampe bagian yg lebih menyenangkan*
oh iyaaa, temen2 gw udah banyak yg S.Psi.. CONGratz to all of them..smoga gw bisa menyusul tahun ini..walaupun gw akan tetep apply buat beasiswa tahun 2011/2012 [jaga2 deh ah] wkwkwk.. pengen lah cepet2 lulus, krn gw mengejar 1 bulan menjadi pengangguran bis itu urusin organisasi dulu NGENGONG2..bis itu find a job, anything asal halal [kapan KAYA-nya val?]
okay, gw gak jadi soppy love story krn gw baruuuuu aja browsing demotivational pictures..will be on my FB soon and God forgive me...
life's been absurd deh dari awal februari. God knows why.. Gw ngerasa kerjaan gw oke, skirpsi gw berjalan walaupun perlahan-lahan, dan love life gw juga, hmm, M'KAY? [ala guru BK di south park, mkay?] everything is fine.. which is not fine.. karena gw merasa WAS-WAS..ngeri sih klo mendadak ada major life event kayak "adek gw bundir di kamar pake IDE GW"
iya tuh, soal smlm, gw kmrn sempet parno slash kesel ma adek gw yg ngunci diri di kamar dari jem 9 mlm..gw gedor2 pintu tapi ga ada suara sama skali.. "IHHHHH LO MAU BUNDIR CARI IDE SENDIRIIIII.. dont steal mine" parno donk gw. Gw share lah keparnoan gw sama si mama.. dan dya kayaknya santai2 aja jawabnya "yah minimal gak usah bayar uang sekolah lg" hmm, oh well.. kematian kayaknya bukan sesuatu yg ditakutkan di keluarga gw.
Gw orangnya mudah puas. Ketika achievement level gw masih bisa dioptimalkan, gw buru2 seneng dan puas. *mengehela nafas*
BOSEN KAN YA GW CRITA SOAL LOVE LIFE GUWEEEEE???
*fast forward sampe bagian yg lebih menyenangkan*
oh iyaaa, temen2 gw udah banyak yg S.Psi.. CONGratz to all of them..smoga gw bisa menyusul tahun ini..walaupun gw akan tetep apply buat beasiswa tahun 2011/2012 [jaga2 deh ah] wkwkwk.. pengen lah cepet2 lulus, krn gw mengejar 1 bulan menjadi pengangguran bis itu urusin organisasi dulu NGENGONG2..bis itu find a job, anything asal halal [kapan KAYA-nya val?]
okay, gw gak jadi soppy love story krn gw baruuuuu aja browsing demotivational pictures..will be on my FB soon and God forgive me...
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